A sense of belonging (and end to my loneliness) would make my problems go away

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ldub20, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Or at least most of them.
  2. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    It's good to have goals, Ldub.
    Now how are you going to achieve it?
  3. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Since I can't make people love me nor make my disease go away, it's beyond my power. Life is not for me.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You have many friends on here and are very well liked here. I am not sure how many just friends you have in real life Matt. What I am sure of is that friends help with loneliness a great deal, since getting sick I have lost virtually all my friends and it is lonely.

    Are you just lonely or is it more of a case that you feel like you are settling for friends when what you really want is a relationship? In a relationship first and foremost comes friendship, then love, then physical love. If it is just a relationship you want then less like lonely and more like craving affection is the problem. The label is insignificant however because it does not change the way you feel - it may however clarify in your own mind what you are looking for and that may help you target that need more specifically.

    I do not know why it is so easy for you to make such a good impression on here and so hard for you to do the same in real life. I honestly can not claim to understand your condition and how it affects you personally - I have read up on it and it seems that there are many forms and they manifest differently. Having never been in your position myself however I do not pretend to fully comprehend it, yet do empathize. 28 years is a long time to wait for something I realize, but you are too good of a person to have to wait another 28 years to find it. I do not know if it will be tomorrow, next week or next month or next year even, what I am sure of you have put years of effort into it and it will pay off and it would be a horrible pity to throw away those years of work when you also do not know when your wish will come true - but truly sad would be if you gave up the day before it was destined to happen.

    You are in no way uncared for or lacking in people that like you Matt, as I am sure you realize every time you stop into chat - it is not everything I know - but it is something.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I also have to say that even though at first I found it really frustrating to try to give you advice, you've really grown on me. The world needs its Eeyores.
    I'm also pretty lonely sometimes but it's not an ongoing 24/7 thing… surely there's something worth living for, in between the moments when the loneliness hits you?

    I don't really know how to meet people either-- it's hard. Well, I do know how but it's hard to work up the courage to actually commit to meeting people and to changing yourself and your routines and your lifestyle. I don't think that meeting people online is a good way to make friends, because everyone is too far apart and it's pretty much impossible to really be friends with someone who doesn't live close to you…

    Maybe you could try going to local coffee shops/bars/libraries and try to become a 'regular'. I think that once you keep going to a place for long enough people will reach out and you'll become familiar.
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel.

    I have neither friends nor love. Okay, I have online friends, but like gloomy points out, it's not quite the same. I need love more than friendship though, and sometimes I think that's out of reach for me. I think that my life would be much better if I was in a satisfying relationship. In fact, that's the only thing I can imagine making me happy anymore. Though it's kind of hard to imagine or know for sure when it's something I've never had and possibly never will have.

    You seem well liked on here, but some might say the same for me. Who we are doesn't seem to matter in the "real world". I could have the greatest personality on the planet, but no one will ever know because they'll never talk to me.
  7. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I've decided to kill myself. Don't try to talk me out of it. You know you would kill yourself if you were powerless to make your loneliness go away!
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    But... I am powerless to make my loneliness go away. What do I look like, a wizard? I can't make people like me either. Certainly I have thought about killing myself quite a bit. But I haven't done it.
  9. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    You know, if my loneliness went away, so would all of my problems!
  10. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    that's a bit of a messed up sense of logic u got there, in my opinion. what i've discovered from overall personal experience is that whenever u decide that "when i achieve [insert goal here] i'll be happy", u're never gonna be satisfied. that's because u have certain expectations from that thing, u've idealized it, for example let's say u want a partner that's caring and attentive [just an example], but then u're definitely gonna find out they're not all that perfect [at some point], and then u're gonna be disappointed. i'm not saying that i kno u, but i'm pretty sure losing your loneliness wudn't 'fix' your life.
    i'd say the only real way to be satisfied/'happy' is to be able to be content with what u already have, tho still having goals, but not setting them as the 'conditions' to your happiness. tho that's easier said than done, obviously.
  11. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    No it ain't. It is a fact that if my loneliness went away, so would all of my problems!
  12. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    maybe some of them would go away
  13. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    when you are in ecstasy, all of your problems become insignificant. just like that
    loving someone and being loved in return is the only way
    in a mundane sense, that is how people become happy. a temporary escape from realities
  14. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    From reading his posts in this thread (as well as others in all the other threads he has recently created as well) I can't help but get the impression that what Ldub is looking for really isn't a sense of belonging but rather some sort of magical girlfriend who will solve his problems all make him happy which isn't a good mindset to have when one is trying to find a girlfriend.

    But really I think a much better idea would to put off trying to find one for now and work on finding ways to make your own self happy because if you love yourself its much easier to get someone to love you back.
  15. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I think you are misinterpreting my wishes Ian. If I felt like I belonged and didn't feel an ounce of loneliness, I wouldn't have any problems.
  16. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    Well not long ago you quite often you would mention in both the forum and chat that you felt that if you were in a relationship your problems would go away and to be honest this whole sense of belonging stuff you have been going on about doesn't sound any different.

    I'm not knocking you or anything but really what is stopping you from learning how to feel good about yourself???
  17. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we will help you!!
  18. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

  19. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Are you trying to insult LDUB20???
  20. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    No, I'm just saying that if the point is to get a girlfriend, that's probably the easiest way. I've thought about it myself, to be honest… I'd get to get married, and I would be helping someone to get out of a situation they're not happy with. It's win win. If Ldub was talking about a specific girl that he liked, then I wouldn't have brought it up, but it doesn't seem like that's what he wants.

    You'd get to be the hero and she'd probably be willing to put up with a lot from you… just because it's all better than being deported.

    And it's definitely better than killing yourself, no?