Hello everyone, For the record, I have just turned 25, my life is overall successful, I have a good job, people who - I honestly think - care about me, and plenty of other things you would consider desirable for a regular life. And each day I want to die a little bit more. It probably started some two years ago, but it has been there for a longer period of time when I think about it now. I never was the life and soul of the party, but I was interesting enough to keep a group of people around me. I was smart enough, I had enough money, I was healthy and psychologically more or less stable. Every single thing was "good enough", which was satisfactory for me in the bigger picture. Something happened. Something has changed in just a couple of weeks. It manifested mainly in my decreasing will to talk to people, to have any interactions. I stopped picking up my phone, I turned down all invitations, I stopped to care whether someone was mad at me for whatever reason. I wanted to be alone. It quickly took over all other areas of life. I stopped tidying up. I barely studied. I gave up any physical activity. I was perfectly comfortable lying in my bed endlessly. At the same time, I could put random masks on. Predominantly those that created an illusion I am happy and I don't need any help or interest. Which I truly didn't want, if anybody tried to get deeper and ask uncomfortable questions, I pushed them away. At the same time, I felt isolated and sad that nobody saw the real me. Now I can see that I was not sad, I was just energyless. My batteries were flat. Because of that, I had zero motivation to do anything, since it appeared to difficult or complex. Now I am at the point where leaving the house is too complex. Funny thing is - I know it. I see it's pathetic. Several months into it and finally sadness kicked it. Sadness mixed with lack of sense and desperate search for meaning. Of my life, of anything I do. It had the greatest impact on my partner, who does not understand what is going on. All my inner anger is targeted at my relationship, even though I am with the best person I can think of. I went to a psychologist. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I don't agree with that, but I know I have this kind of profile of behaviour and thinking. So I went to a psychiatrist. I told him a part of the story shared here. She gave me the meds. I experimented with her with different types of treatment, but any psychotropic medication triggers terrible side effects for me. I decided it is not worth it. It's been half a year since then I am still in this downward spiral. I am not at the point where I want to open a window and jump. I'm not hysterical. But I'm dying inside. I am afraid I will reach the point where I will no longer care to even look for online forum to share and ask for help. That's why I came here to ask you all - what can I do to save myself? I want to live, I know life is so splendid and beautiful, but it leaves me piece by piece. Please help me.