A silent scream

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Maxine_2310, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. Maxine_2310

    Maxine_2310 New Member

    No one is interested or even cares.
    Their only interaction is a dismissive scowl because you are unable to break free from the overwhelming weight of despair.

    There is no apparent reason for the lack of a smile but how do you explain what it is like to be held prisoner in the invisible dark when others have natural light - with no effort it seems, it is just there.
    The veil is suffocating and restricting and maddening.
    It is not wanted but it is just there.
    And it gets in everywhere.

    Those in the sun just laugh and move on and say you are weak and pathetic because you cannot break free - despite your intelligence and every ounce of your being wanting to feel the warm sun on your face

    Take a pill, live in the moment, be grateful, life is too short, pull yourself together .....this echoes and rings and clangs in my ears as I madly clutch at the last light disappearing down into the choking sludge.

    The veil is too heavy, I cannot lift it alone.
    And I stand, unable to move although wanting more thank anything to do so........and start to sink as the sunshine people laugh and play and walk away because you are too much effort and a revolting stain on their fun.

    No one talks to you or asks how you are unless you happily smile (as the flame within dies)
    As long as the mask is there - it does not matter that the flame has gone.
    No body cares.
    No one has the time.
    Just do your job.
    Your are just too needy!
    You are dismissed!
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. I really like what you wrote. Feel free to share more about your life.
     
  3. Maxine_2310

    Maxine_2310 New Member

    It is exhausting.
    It is hard.
    It is scathing.
     
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Maxine, welcome to the forum, we here understand exactly how you feel. Depression is a dark pit of the soul, no one can understand it unless they've lived it. I'm glad you found us, you're no longer alone.
    Brian
     
    AlexiMarie7 likes this.
  5. Maxine_2310

    Maxine_2310 New Member

    Thank you Brian...... feeling so low and not knowing what to do..... so tired of this.......
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you Brian...... feeling so low and not knowing what to do..... so tired of this.......

    Hey Maxine, why not come to the chat room here, it's always pretty active. I just go there for company sometimes, even if I don't join in just being with the people there makes me feel better.
     
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum and the SF family. Your are feeling low at the moment but you are not the only one. All the members support each other and help getting through the tough period of life. Please continue to post here as you deserve our support. Take care and most important be safe.