A soldiers lost will to fight.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guage, Feb 25, 2013.

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  1. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Well from day one we are taught to fight to survive, no matter what we have to endure. I have fought so long just to not give up. My stent in the army sucked what will was driving me for so long. It wasn't the army it is the rest of the country. I haven't met one civilian in real life that actually showed their appreciation for what I and my friends did, and some of them died for it. But every one that I see is out for themselves, don't care for their neighbors or service members until they see a uniform even then it's seems that it is just for them to say something nice. And so many of us died for the new president to start weakening our country and paying the Muslim brother hood , in Egypt, that killed everyone in our embassy. Why is this acceptable my all of these civillians, and woman , WTF. We go do the job that attracted you to us and you cant keep your fucking legs closed while your man is fighting for your freedom to be a ***** if you choose, which if that is what you choose don't marry us. So im about to board a plane and fly across country to pick the spot where I will take my last breath. Its not going to happen today but this summer I get to take a nice long ride across country. To this spot where I shan't be found, I have left every means behind just to pick my fortress of solitude so to speak. Also so when I complete my supposedly selfish act , that I don't leave anyone with a bill. I wonder how long this low might last from the new meds, will I just drive off a cliff will I just drive off the bridge into the lake. I haven't planned to but now these thought race through my head, I hope not I told my family that I was going for a job interview, so they are kinda expecting me back.
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Guage, don't let me lose someone else. In UK there's Combat Stress. Please get in touch with your equivalent. I still grieve for my half brother. Please don't join him.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way. As Theodora referred to, the VA system in the US does provide rather comprehensive services for PTSD and such...before I continue, let me thank you for your service...I volunteer working with Vets to return to the workforce, and my small contribution is matched by so many...that you have found no one that is appreciative is saddening to me...please see what services are available to you and do not give up the most important battle, taking care of yourself...again, with great thankfulness and appreciation
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry you've been let down by so many. There are lots of us, myself included, that appreciate what you and every other soldier has done, and continues to do, for us. You've given everything you have and fought for our freedom, and now I hope you can find the strength to fight for your life, because you're worth it. Please let those of us who care, try and help.
  5. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I cry and pray for every fallen soldier. Even the ones who come back from duty with nothing. My brother held on and found a beautiful girlfriend, they are married now and hes glad he didn't go threw with ending his life. He's working on his ptsd.
    . I'm tired of seeing soldiers who fight for us get paid way less then people who throw a football around.
    Thanks for your service. I hope you can find someone who can help you, reach out for help!
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please hun reach out for the help you deserve hun ok please hugs
  7. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    I am sorry you are going through this. I am on the other side ... I stood by my guy for more than 5 years. After 2 deployments, he disappeared on me. I was trying to get in contact with him, but he didn't send me a word until months later telling me he had severe ptsd. Although we were not together, I assured him that he would get every support he needed from me and I educated myself on ptsd. Guess what? He was fooling around with the local girls in Japan when I was looking for helpful information on how to help him cope with the disorder. He called me when he desperately needed someone to talk to but shut me out when somebody was making him happy locally. Is it common among ptsd sufferers? I am sorry that I am whining. I hear you. Please give yourself credit. You are a respectable man and you deserved a good woman and a good life. I am not in a good place myself, so forgive me if I have not given you more useful advice.
  8. listless

    listless Banned Member


    I for one fully support our troops and recognize that we're in WW3 against Islam, this century's Nazism. The problem however is the media and the political elites that are compromised by the Muslim Brotherhood who have influence operations in both parties. Unfortunately most people are not like me-I've done my research and used to think Islam was no different than any other religion, until 9/11. I wish other people would study it also and realize that we're in a true war for the survival of freedom, democracy and civilization, but most people don't bother because it doesn't affect them personally-yet. However such is not the case for people in Europe, Israel, India, Africa and other places where large muslim populations exist.

    President Obama, being raised a muslim and never denouncing his faith is on the side of our enemies and like the Emperor, people are too afraid to point out that he's naked for all of us to see. The work you do is noble and very much appreciated by those of us who value our liberties and know that freedom is not free, it is paid in blood. However the wars as they are conducted now under this pro-Islamic, anti-American leadership is doing nothing for the cause of democracy and is instead helping radical Islam to gain supremacy in formerly more secular/moderate regimes. Until we get the right leadership, many mistakes will be made and lives with be lost.

    I wouldn't use the average idiots and unfaithful wives/gf's as the barometer for your value and self-worth. You're not fighting for them-but for something much greater, the nation and the principals that made it one of the greatest on earth. If the USA falls, so too will other free nations. Islam has tried to conquer the world before and has been very successful in destroying many countries. However the stronger nations were able to stop it's advance and enjoy freedom today, but that is in peril now.

    Find a woman who can appreciate you and your contribution and also don't expect too much from the common man, they're commoners for a reason. It's no reason to want to end your life-if you do, at least take a bunch of terrorists down with you. ;)
  9. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    I am trying , but drugs and isolation don't seem to help only increase my hostilities. I am really trying to keep it from expanding beyond myself.
  10. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the most undeserving support and encouragement to continuing to fight for myself. But when every single is like a punch in the face on how stupid and idiotic I am the struggle gets harder and harder to deal with. Saying I am so suck and tired of opening my eyes from slumber isn't even close to how painful it feels when I realize that I am still alive. I don't know what I am classified as religiously, I don't really believe in anything. But if there is or was a god why does it let people that don't want to live keep on living and take the ones that love living and have reasons to live for. Obviously I did not drive off of a bridge or anything. But I did find a very nice place that will ensure that I won't be discovered for a while, and I will probably sustain a couple of bear cubs. Btw hibernating bears are lovely. Their fur is so soft. First time ever to pet a bear. I apologize for not being able to respond sooner but was kinda hard to pull up this site at the airports. Someone might think I was a terrorist, or something. Thank you all again. And as of now I am reaching out for help but my arms and will are getting fatigued so much more quickly these days .
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really glad you came back. I know you're tired, but please try to keep reaching out. You aren't stupid or idiotic at all, and your life is worth so much more than you realize... but I understand right now you're in so much pain it's hard to see beyond that pain. We won't give up on you, and I hope you don't give up on yourself.
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