Hello everyone, Yes it's me again. However, instead of being the optimist, I'm ruminating the urge to do something harmful to myself. I know that if I do it, I will lose my apartment and be homeless, or I will never be on that med again, (which I really need), or end up in the hospital, possibly a vegetable. I have a plan but I don't know if I want to give up everything that I have worked so hard for and just act on my impulses without thinking. I keep thinking about it and it won't go away. I am glorifying it and being entertained by the thoughts. I know I sound like a hypocrite when I try to help others but I want to give up myself too. Yes, I fight the urges. That's all I can do although I REALLY wish that I could have the guts to attempt it, again. I hope I won't do it but stay strong and not give in to my urges which are teasing me. Oh how I want out.