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A Suicide (Faux) Romance [trig?]

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by altek001, Jun 3, 2007.

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  1. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    i think i have a romance with my own suicide.

    when i put myself in situations that are similar to an attempt...
    the idea of being gone and done.
    i love the sense of opportunity.
    i feel so in control. so happy.

    tonight, as i was hanging out in a park. while sitting on the top of the monkeybars, i decided to see what it'd be like to stand on and jump off the roof of a tall building. the windshear wasn't as bad as a building would be...but even with the possible gust that could have turned things for the worse..i smiled. not a huge 'i just won the lottery' grin...but just a little upturn of the mouth and probably a particular twinkle in my eye as i look upward...i felt so free in the midst of a past-dusk-and-darkening royal blue sky, lightning happening five miles away but the thunder chilling you to the core. smelling that coming rain. wind ruffling my evergrowing hair.

    ...how much more pure of a moment can you achieve?
    simple, easily-attained happiness.
    i loved it. truly, madly, deeply.

    i don't exactly know what i was trying to say in this thread other than that i like this feeling. i'm definitely not ready for the result and consequence of the near-action...but staring it in the face is definitely a rush.

    will this get moved elsewhere? possibly?

    ..just felt like i had to share. thanks.

    - Henry
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