A the fork in the road

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crossroads, May 19, 2013.

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  1. crossroads

    crossroads Member

    Am a middle aged and overweight woman. Have worked very hard as an IT professional all my life, on call, holidays, you name it. In addition, spent the last decade or so taking care of my disabled parents. Husband works but has serious health problems so it's touch and go. Also I rescue animals as much as possible. (And no I'm not a hoarder... I hate that.) Sucker I guess. Lost my mother, who was my best friend, in 2009. That was beyond awful. Lost my dad in 2010. Lost my job of 22 years in a layoff this past October. Been out of work since. I was the main breadwinner. If I can't find a job soon we are probably going to lose our house and the rescues will end up in the pound. Have been seeing a shrink but my husband's insurance doesn't cover it. Am on 3 different meds now. I just wish I could find a way out of this. I want to work but am told I'm overqualified everywhere I turn. Who are they kidding? I don't want to let anyone down but I'm failing everyone. The world is so filled with pain. There is so much suffering and cruelty. What is the point? I am thinking I wish it would just go away, sometimes it is so unbearable. Please don't tell me to have faith or talk to a friend, and don't tell me I'm overdoing it and to give up the rescues. They need me and really are the only ones who love me unconditionally. I've told my remaining family how I feel and they don't seem to get it. I guess I am supposed to just deal with it. Everyone has problems these days. My sister lectures me about don't think that way or do this or don't do that. My brother tells me don't worry, everything is going to be fine. It's NOT going to be fine. I don't know how to move forward. And I don't know how to deal with this constant pain. I will never, ever, ever hurt anyone or anything in this world. I feel so helpless seeing the suffering all around me. I just wish the way I feel would stop.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    been at that fork in road many times hun somehow one pushes through one makes a new path in the road not easy no You hun cannot see the future you just cant so you just don't know what will happen to help change your circumstance. You focus on one person when you feel so low that is you The animals bring you peace bring you joy then you focus on them vOlunteer at a humane society keep busy until that job comes It helps with resumes as well to see you stay active in work force even if it is a volunteer positon.
     
  3. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    My job situation is similar to yours. I have been out of work since Jan. It is very scary.

    I find this forum very helpful to keep me going. Keep posting. If you want to pm me feel free. I don't know the characters to make the hug emoticon but I would love to give you a big hug.
     
  4. crossroads

    crossroads Member

    Thank you, Cymbele. And I highly doubt you are worthless and fat. You seem to be a very kind person. Hugs to you as well.
     
  5. crossroads

    crossroads Member

    Thank you, Eclipse. That's a good idea to put the volunteer work on my resume.
     
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