A time when words meant something.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Kris.T, Nov 7, 2009.

  1. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    I didn't know where to put this. If this is more of a 'let it all out' kind of thread, or even something that should be in members diaries, if possible it can be moved?

    *Sigh* I wish I could just go back to when her words meant something.. or at least seemed like they did. I have things she's said to me saved.. I don't get how it can all seem meaningless now..

    'You are probably one of the best people, I've ever met, nevermind talked to. I tell you anything and everything that comes to mind, knowing that you'll listen. I can't help but love you, since you care for me so much. Over the time I've talked to you, Yeah, that's right. i fell for you, but can you blame me? The way you treat me, how you talk to me. Just in general, how you make me feel..about myself. You make life seem worth living. For the time i'm NOT with you, you're all I think about, you don't leave my mind for even a moment.

    What's NOT to love? I mean, with me at least, you're like, the nicest guy ever. You talk, you're forgiving. You aren't quick to judge. You're honest, and open. Well, most of the time you're open. I guess it depends on the person. And really, I don't see why you'd think nobody would want to marry you. Like, seriously, I'd marry you and chance I got.. Like, I love how you treat me. You don't treat me like I'm worthless. You actually CARE about what's going on.'

    Now after it's all over.. I sit here and wonder if she ever really meant anything she said to me..

    Breakups. I fucking hate them. :mad:
  2. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same way. In fact, I have messages FROM sf saved as well. Reading back is always painful.

    "Alex everything you said made me realize how lucky I am to have you and how much I love you from the bottom of my heart xoxo<3"

    I was never in a physical relationship with this girl, but it was as emotional as they get, and now, after the fact... When everything has changed, and a goodbye that used to be "I love you so much <3" becomes "Good night" it's almost unbearable.

    I would do anything to rewind the clock and go back to when those words meant something as well.

    I know how you feel. You look at those words and it's like they're empty... They're hollow, they don't mean anything anymore. The word Love that used to get you excited at happy soon only represents something that used to be there...

    I wish I could say something to help or take that pain away, because I know it all too well and I know it's absolute hell. My only advice is try not to look back... But I'm a hypocrite, because I do the same.

    I know what it's like, and it wears your spirit down my friend. :unsure:

    But if you want to talk or rant more, feel free to reply or send a PM my way, I will definately understand anything you want to share with me :hug:

    Just know that you're not alone in your struggle... I wish you all the best, I truly do.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    they are painful if she loved u others will love you there is one out there that will appreciate your kindness and compassion there is.
  4. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply man, glad someone else knows what I'm going through. :) And reading back is painful, but when you just can't seem to let go, you go back and re-read things, or look at photos and you just think of what used to be..

    And you're so right with how the words are meaningless. You read them now, and you just see them as words, emotionless, meaningless words, written and you question the sincerity behind them. Did she mean what she said? How do I know she did, if it's over now?

    The 'goodbye' while I still spoke to her, were unbearable. Too many nights did I sit there hours after she'd left, head in hands with tears streaming down my face, after getting one of the 'Goodnight' goodbyes rather then the usual 'I love you' goodbyes. Too many nights did I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing we were on the phone, or she was laying beside me.

    Love as all but lost meaning, when it came from her mouth, it meant so much to me. Hearing her say it, set me on the highest high, now it's just a word.. and that sucks.. I'd kill to hear her say she loves me again.. and I sadly know it wont happen..

    I just wish things happened differently.. I just wish that the decisions that have torn us apart, could be erased.. I just wanna feel her touch one last time.. I still can't really get my head around how you can go from 2-3 years in a relationship, where you're eachothers whole world basically.. to complete nothingness..

    rant over.. for now :unsure:
  5. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    No problem at all Kris! And I know exactly how that is. I look back on photos, letters, things we wrote to eachother almost everyday. It's pure torture, what we do to ourselves, but sometimes we almost can't help it. We want it back so bad, so we try to revisit those places, but we know it's not going to be given back to us.

    I don't know if you'll ever be able to tell if the words are true or not. You have to decide for yourself. They may still be true. Maybe all of it is true. Or maybe it was just at the time, in the heat of the moment.

    I always thought I was alone, I was overreacting when I got a normal goodbye, and then I cried. It ruined my night. I know exactly how it feels. Honestly Kris, looking at your post is like looking in the mirror. I'm somewhat at a loss for words... I wish I could help more, or have something better to say to help you but all I can really offer is comfort in knowing that I've been through the same experiences with you.

    That word love from that one girl, it can really change everything. It makes everything great for the night. But in it's absence it leaves an odd, hollow silence. The sound of an undialed ringtone becomes the background noise of your life, the glow from the computer, staring at what once was soon consumes you.

    It really sucks that your long lasting relationship ended. If I was sappy, I would tell you things like "Loving and losing is better than nothing at all" or that cherish the time you had together, but move on and etc. I wish I was that optimistic.

    All I can say is really, Kris you seem like a really great guy and that there is someone better out there for you. I know there's a good chance you won't take that last sentence (God knows, I didn't. People said it to me, but it didn't matter. I only wanted HER)

    I feel like all I really did is talk about myself... And not offer any advice at all. I'm sorry for that. But I'm here for you if you need me, I really am. Don't be embarrassed to send a PM, honestly. I am more than willing to listen

    And I hope you're ok and you stay safe :hug: You're not alone and you're a really great person, and I hope this struggle won't last long for you :hug:
  6. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    Pretty much mate. You know that looking back through the old photos, the old letters, little notes you gave eachother, things that she gave you, it all hurts going back through it, but you just can't help yourself. You KNOW you shouldn't but it's almost impossible to stay away from it all.

    It is almost like looking in a mirror, we seem to react and feel the same on this. We both seem to have gone through something similar, and feel the same way on alot of things, which is really cool because we can relate to eachother, and understand where we are both coming from. And it helps more then you know, just being able to get it all out here, and have somebody really, truly understand it all, and know exactly where I"m coming from. :)

    Thanks for the kind words, Alex. I know that the optimistic lines mean well, but as you said, when you only want HER, hearing it, you kind of have that 'Meh' kind of reaction to them. But I honestly do appreciate it, not just ignoring it. :)

    But yeah, as we've said. She randomly called me last night.. which was really really weird, because I've avoided her calls for a while, and again she said the "Goodbye Kris". It's like a dagger everytime those words (I love you) don't come out of her mouth. Hearing her voice, and knowing that I'm not going to hear it, cuts me to pieces every time. It's a strange feeling.. on the one hand, I was stoked to be hearing her voice.. and just talking to her again.. but on the other, I knew things were different, and I knew I'd sit up all night thinking about the what ifs.

    What if I did this?
    What if I didn't say that?
    What if we had have gone here.
    What if..

    Ahhh I'm gunna cut it short rather then ramble on.. will probably be back to rant on more later on though.. seems like it's just me and you in here anyway Alex :laugh:
  7. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I'm surprised that you would betray her confidence by posting a private message on a public forum. But hey, thats just me.
  8. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    Messages I've sent her, emails etc are all over her myspace, other forums she's on, her friends all have them.. I see no real issue with posting one of the hundreds I've kept from her.

    That sounds kind of childish.. :sad:
  9. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    2 wrongs don't make a right Kris. But you probably know that already.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2009
  10. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    Yeah, but eh. It's not all too revealing I don't feel. :wink:
  11. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    That's true, I shouldn't make such a big deal out of it.