A title isn't important

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by reynard_muldrake, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. reynard_muldrake

    reynard_muldrake Well-Known Member

    -Throughout life I've been alienated and ostracized. School, high school, college, jobs... no one reached out to me with the promise of friendship. Attempts to remedy this have failed. Either they went away or I realized they weren't the type of friends I needed. Even among family I feel like the odd man out. When visiting cousins and other members I notice people talk to my two siblings more than they do me. And this is to say nothing of support places. The fact I'm an outcast among those groups is a clear indicator I'm screwed in regards to hoping for friendship.

    -Five years ago I left college because of depression/suicidal thoughts. At this rate, the idea of going back just seems like a pipe dream. I'm 29 now and it's unlikely I'll ever find a career I can be proud of. Not that I excel at much. Or anything...

    -Lately I find myself becoming critical of minor things like physical appearance and body shape. In the past, these were minor nuisances at best. I could go on, but here's the short version: this is not the life I want. The life I want is something I'll never achieve. Continuing to live just seems like a silly idea at this point.
  2. reynard_muldrake

    reynard_muldrake Well-Known Member

    The lack of responses clearly proves my point. I knew I was right to give up on this place.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Not a lot of people on in the over night hours of the US and very early morning hours of Europe, and the placement in "Let it All Out" implies more of a rant than a ask for advice. If I were to be critical I might say telling people you are critical of others also makes people shy to reply.

    If it is replies you are looking for I am not sure if you are looking for advice or ideas or simply for people that commiserate with you and your situation - which is why I did not reply the first time I read because I did not know which you were looking for and some people hate replies with advice when they just wanted to rant, and others hate generic replies from strangers saying they understand and care.

    I guess that makes this a worthwhile post for answers for you anyway, as it may give some indication of why making friends and attachments is difficult - people cannot read your mind for what you are looking for so the message needs to be clearer, and after a relatively short time during hours with low traffic on the site you are lashing out and attacking the people on the site that nay be trying to figure out how to reply to you.

    Are you looking for ideas and advice on your situation, or do you just want to know if others experience the same thing or understand how you feel?
  4. reynard_muldrake

    reynard_muldrake Well-Known Member

    When you've been alone for as long as I have, when you reach out for help and seldom find anyone to listen... well yeah, how can I not experience anything but hurt and frustration? Especially since so many other people here seem to find friends and a sense of belonging.

    And honestly, I don't know what I was looking for. Advice seems impossible to follow and I'm not sure commiseration would've helped.
  5. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I would have responded earlier, but I do not check all sections of SF regularly so have missed this up until now. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. A lot of people have tried to befriend me, but I just end up being boring and quiet and feeling compelled to get away from the pressure of having to be funny or interesting or whatever. I currently have no friends. I find it difficult to relate even to family members and spent an extended period of time trying to avoid my own sister.

    I've had the same career struggles as you. Although I did complete university, my degrees are not of the kind that were able to lead me into any kind of graduate level employment. I took a psychology degree, which isn't much good without a Masters or PHd, then a one year Librarianship degree which appealed to me because it seemed like an easy career path, but is now an obsolete profession. I'm 30 now, and have really given up on anything other than suicide, which still requires immense reserves of courage that seem to evade me.

    I'm also self critical about my appearance (I look frightful in photographs) and the sound of my voice.
  6. reynard_muldrake

    reynard_muldrake Well-Known Member

    I didn't major in psychology, but like you I did select a major that can be tricky career-wise (English). Do you find some people bore you? Sometimes that's the case with me. They're not bad or stupid or anything like that. It's just a lack of sparks or something.
  7. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    Yes, I find that some people bore me. I think that almost everyone does find that. Alas, not as much as I seem to bore most people, lol.