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a topic that's been done many times before but...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ybt, Apr 24, 2007.

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  1. ybt

    ybt Guest

    this, unlike suicide, has been written and talked about extensively. i know what the general concensus is, but i need to know if there are any other opinions on this.

    ugh, i'm sorry for this, i wish i didn't have to ask...

    right. i'm going to muscle up the nerve and say it.

    coming out as bisexual to friends.

    i know. sorry.

    my friends aren't anti-gay or anything. that's why they're friends.

    i just think it would constantly be on their minds though, they'd think it would be weird, i don't know how they would take it...

    any opinions?
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It will be weird at first, I imagine, but if they are not against gays, then why should they be against this? Especially if you tell them that you can love someone for their soul, not their anatomy. That may help them to understand more. That said, some people DO think of bisexuality as selfish. They may ask "If you can be happy with either, then why not just pick one?" I can't say that this hasn't crossed my mind as well. I'd really like to know what actually makes one bisexual, and whether or not a bisexual person can actually be happy with only one sex, or do they need a relationship with both sexes to feel complete.

    At any rate, take care, and I'm sure your friends will be supportive, even if they cannot fully understand your situation,
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    well, I think in the beginning it'll definitely be on their minds alot, especially if they didn't see it coming, but that'll fade.

    I can only tell you from experience, but it might help ya:
    I had a group of friends, of whom one was very religious and also kind of anti-gay. I told them all. Not at once as a big announcement, but just like in class when writing notes to each other and all I'd write that down. Or I'd just throw it into a conversation that kinda fitted the subject.
    Anyway, most of them were like "oh cool" and didn't bother. Some of the girls did act a bit.. like more distant for a while. That was something I just bit through. I didn't change my behaviour in the slightest bit, and I explained to them that me being bisexual didn't necessarily meant that I'd have a crush on them or anything, and that if it were so I would know that there was no chance anyway, so I would just continue to be friends if that were the case anyway.
    Once they knew that they relaxed a little.
    And after a few weeks everything was back to normal, except that I had a burden off my shoulders and could also talk about pretty women that way hehe.

    There's of course always people who'll be stupid about it, but they will probably not be people from your group of friends, more like people who dislike you and are looking for something to shit about. All bullcrap which shouldn't be heard.

    I remember the religious girl giving me a folder which told me to "drop the label" and "be normal" otherwise "God wouldn't embrace me" and something about a helpgroup to get rid of this "disease".
    I got furious and told her off. I explained to her it was not a choice, but that it was who I am, just like she couldn't help that she fell for a 30something year old guy. I told her: you have to see it like this: I fall for a person's personality and the sexe is irrelevant to me. She still needed time but in the end she accepted it fully.

    So point is: some people might need some time to get used to the idea, but as long as your honest with them and tell them that they don't have to be afraid of you trying anything like hitting on them or whatever, there should be no problem. Unless they have very strong beliefs against homosexuality, but as you say your friends are not anti-gay...

    oh well I guess I'm rambling again..
  4. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    I have a friend who is bisexual. When I first found out, it was on my mind a lot.
    At first, I worried that other people would think I was I was too (not that there is anything wrong with it, but I'm not and I have an irrational fear of being judged by everyone). Now I don't even really think about it. She is no different than any of my other friends and I am really glad to have her for a friend. If they are really your friends than it won't matter to them just give them a little time to let it sink in. If they let something like that stand in the way of friendship then they are the ones missing out. Some people can be really close minded and judgemental, so good luck, but if they are really your friends then they won't care.
  5. janlost

    janlost Member

    ybt, it might be on their minds a lot at first but I think, after a while, it'll pass, in time. If you trust them enough to tell them, that's a good thing right there.

    A long time g/f of mine, who went through most of her life not really understanding that she was a lesbian, finally was able to admit it to herself. When she told me, yes, it was a slight shock but I wasn't really surprised. She had been trying to fit into the heterosexual mold for all her life and she was clearly unhappy.

    At the time, I wasn't local to her and since then, lost contact with her (more my fault than hers) but I'm happy that she was able to to finally be open about who she really is and claim her true self.

    You deserve to be who you really are :hug:
  6. ybt

    ybt Guest

    i really appreciate the advice given thusfar, but are there any guys who have gone through this? it seems harder for us...
  7. ybt

    ybt Guest

    bump :?
  8. Nelka

    Nelka Member

    Hi Ybt,

    Bisexuality, especially in women, can be a far more malleable topic than homosexuality. In fact, some might view bisexuality as a phase.

    I'm not sure what kind of experience or relationships you have had. Many women are bicurious or have bisexual fantasies, but discover that they are not bisexual. I have also known many young bisexuals to become more hetero or homo over the years. This doesn't mean they stop becoming bisexual, but that they simply start leaning more towards one gender or another.

    Bisexuality is hard to categorize because it's different for everyone. Some bisexuals are happily monogamous, some are polyamorous or swing. Some go through phases where they're into one gender more than the other while others will take either gender anytime.

    My opinion on coming out as a bisexual is to keep it on a need to know basis. If you are interested in dating someone of the same sex, don't feel obligated to hide it. However, don't feel the obligation to share your bisexuality with the world. Especially if you're not experienced in this area.

    I do not mind sharing the fact that I am bisexual, but I don't feel the need to come out. My orientation, my sex life, is no one's business. I am married and have no plans of pursuing a polyamorous relationship. If I planned on having a serious poly relationship, I wouldn't want to keep that relationship a secret. However, The fact that my husband and I might engage in sex with other women isn't something anyone needs to know.
  9. ybt

    ybt Guest

    i'm a guy btw
  10. Nelka

    Nelka Member

    Same principles apply. Unfortunately many people assume bisexual men are homosexual, using the term bisexual to hide the truth. This might be the case for some, but not all men.

    Again, I'm not sure how much experimentation you have done. So perhaps you should explore this area more before coming out.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2007
  11. Chaz

    Chaz Guest

    Be honest with them. It should matter to them less than you think it will because, like you said, they are friends.

    One of my friends came out as Bi, and it was like 'oh, ***is bi, ok then, so where are we going tonight then?'. It was really not a big deal to any of us because she was still the same person (as clichee as that sounds). I certainly didn't think about it unless it was relevent, like many other things that my friends had told me, or I had learnt over the years.

    But I have no advice really, sorry.
  12. lebigmac

    lebigmac Well-Known Member

    I don't know where you live, but in my town bisexuality/homosexuality is trivial. If I were you, it wouldn't even occur to me to tell my friends. If they asked, then I'd just speak the truth. They might be surprised at first, but it's not something they'd dwell on.
  13. paranoidxe

    paranoidxe Well-Known Member

    Me personally I wouldn't give a crap if my friends were gay or not thats their choice as long as they aren't pushing it on me or trying to hook up with me thats going over the line.

    I actually had two gay friends a couple years back they moved out of state but they were fun to hang around I didn't think it was bad or anything..of course I got called gay all the time..but really I didn't give a shit if people want to think I'm gay I could careless.

    Bottomline, your friends should accept you anyway thats what friends do..if not you'll just find out who your true friends are.
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