A once close friend of mine committed suicide roughly a month ago. Recently I've been found myself reflecting on that and the fact that another friend of mine seems to be really struggling with depression/self-harm right now. Guess that's why I found my way here. I had known that person since the last year of elementary school. Although she suffered from some family issues and personal medical conditions, she had a very gentle and caring personality. We became a couple in gr. 9 but she broke up with me in gr. 11. She said it was the best for the both of us and didn't say anything else. Perhaps it was because I was a 'stiff'/nerd or that I didn't have much time for her as I was working really hard towards my target uni. I guess I'll never know. We pretty much stopped talking after that and I had felt she was still angry with me in some way. On graduation day she just came up to me and gave me a hug and a smile. A real smile. In all the time I had known her, she had never really smiled. It was something indescribably beautiful. She told me it really did work out for the best and to never stop chasing my dreams. She ran out after that so I didn't have a good chance to talk to her. She had moved and didn't reply to any of my attempts to contact her. All I know after that is from some of her friends. She had decided not to pursue post-secondary education although she was quite bright and did get acceptances. It seems she also got into a string of volatile relationships with some 'bad eggs'. It's been more than 3 years since high school graduation. She never really talked much about herself to even the people closest to her and I really can't imagine what could have happened in those 3 years to have made her resort to 'it'. She was a gentle, nurturing person and I am saddened by her loss. I can't help but feel a little regretful too. I thought it was clear that she didn't want me in her life anymore but could things have been different? So if I had taken a page out of Hollywood and run after her on graduation and kept on nagging her until she talked to me... could I have helped point her in the right direction or even save her? Heck, I really don't know. Maybe it's just the alcohol. But what I do know is that the smile she gave me is permanently etched into my memory. So let this be another tribute to you. RIP. I won't forget how you made me a better, more determined person the time I was with you. Your smile gives me peace and strength. I will try reaching out more to my current bud. Hopefully by reading through these forums I will have gained some useful insight into these issues.