I ended up in the Accident and Emergency department for the first time after cutting myself last night. I now have 13 stitches in my leg to remind me of how stupid I was. I don't know what to do. I keep getting depressed. It's in my nature. I think I may have bipolar. Someone must be able to help me but the NHS is so terrible at treating depression - they just don't have the resources. Somebody high up seems to think that it's not a serious illness, but I'm in agony here. The doctor who treated me was very nice, but basically said there's nothing she could do beyond treating the wounds. I won't be able to get a referral to a psychiatrist unless I completely flip or actually try to kill myself. That's not what I want ... I just want to stop falling into this hole again, I want to stop being in this much pain. The antidepressants that I'm on aren't working. I can't work, I can't get anything done. I can feel my life slipping away from me - all the years I've lost through this terrible curse. I don't see things getting any better. This is my life, and I think I'll never achieve anything in my career, never have a stable relationship, never work out who I really am because I keep falling into this wretched hole.