A trip to nowhere!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by grooovie, Aug 9, 2010.

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  1. grooovie

    grooovie New Member

    Normally I am always happy, in for a party, i am fat but i wear it well so when I dance and flirt I get positive reactions, but people never stick to me.

    Its hard to say but I am 34 and I have once for a week had a somewhat relationship.

    I got a lot of good qualities people can't see, sometimes people give me a complement, but it's so fragile, I can't do anything with it, and how I approach people sometimes scares people it's to bold, funny, but to bold but by being funny people don't run away instead they are in audience mode. What I am looking for is some one that is playfull and bold like me, and knows I want to know him or her, so when I f*ck up I can trust things will be right again.

    That's 1 thing, but now I am getting older and having a personallity and not the rewards gets stale, HOPE fades away and having a goal aint fun if you haven't truelly loved.

    I still am on the look out for love, trying hard to mingle with people every friday night, I got a loving family who doesn't understand but smooths a bit the feeling, I wish I could borrow 10000 euro's and could travel the world for my princess. I wish there was 1 sexy lady that says what the hell it's just 1 night this is for charity. But I am a pleaser so even that wouldn't give me what I want. I want to be wanted, and do kool stuff with some1.

    Ok I won't tell you a sucky lifestory even when there are some special parts in it, but these thougths have grown since I was 18, the last couple of years I am on and off looking for a good toxic to rob me of my life, quick and without pain. Damn it's hard to find a poison. I know there are people preventing us happy campers to do what we want but still damn it's the internet. every year 0.5 % people kill them selfs, I know I could make 1 of them happy and she could make me happy. Am I looking for a date or a nice clean quick death, I don't know anymore.

    So feel free to react on my first post,
    I write direct from the hart so probally hard to understand.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum :)

    It sounds like you're looking for someone on here, and that's not what this site is primarily for (although obviously a variety of relationships do form).

    I really hear that you want someone, but it sounds like you are looking for them too much, which may prevent people from seeing the wonderful things there are about you. What would happen if you stopped looking and just tried to have a good time? Or if you looked for people on places such as dating sites where people are also looking?

    It sounds, to me, like you're putting too much hope on having a relationship. What is it you think being in a relationship with someone, or having relations with someone, will do for you?

    If you want to talk about your life, or parts of it, then you are more than welcome to do so :)
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