Normally I am always happy, in for a party, i am fat but i wear it well so when I dance and flirt I get positive reactions, but people never stick to me. Its hard to say but I am 34 and I have once for a week had a somewhat relationship. I got a lot of good qualities people can't see, sometimes people give me a complement, but it's so fragile, I can't do anything with it, and how I approach people sometimes scares people it's to bold, funny, but to bold but by being funny people don't run away instead they are in audience mode. What I am looking for is some one that is playfull and bold like me, and knows I want to know him or her, so when I f*ck up I can trust things will be right again. That's 1 thing, but now I am getting older and having a personallity and not the rewards gets stale, HOPE fades away and having a goal aint fun if you haven't truelly loved. I still am on the look out for love, trying hard to mingle with people every friday night, I got a loving family who doesn't understand but smooths a bit the feeling, I wish I could borrow 10000 euro's and could travel the world for my princess. I wish there was 1 sexy lady that says what the hell it's just 1 night this is for charity. But I am a pleaser so even that wouldn't give me what I want. I want to be wanted, and do kool stuff with some1. Ok I won't tell you a sucky lifestory even when there are some special parts in it, but these thougths have grown since I was 18, the last couple of years I am on and off looking for a good toxic to rob me of my life, quick and without pain. Damn it's hard to find a poison. I know there are people preventing us happy campers to do what we want but still damn it's the internet. every year 0.5 % people kill them selfs, I know I could make 1 of them happy and she could make me happy. Am I looking for a date or a nice clean quick death, I don't know anymore. So feel free to react on my first post, I write direct from the hart so probally hard to understand.