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A vacation away from life

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I've endured enough. I think the time is finally approaching that I'll want to decide how to embark on the journey away from life.

The problem is that I'm too sensitive, I feel like a sponge taking in everything, and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to function and maintain a healthy existence. The saturation of emotional energy is a constant drain on my system, and I've been neglecting myself for a long time, and feel I've been slowly dying for years now. The current world's societies today are just not designed for someone like myself; perhaps I was never meant to become a productive part of the humanity I was born into, and my purpose was meant only as a destructive part for myself and others. Developing destructive and chaotic behavior as a reaction to the current system is obviously a common prerequisite for self-destruction aka. suicide, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm again lingering over this option. I need a break from life, it's very tiring.

Have you ever spent a few nights without a home before, and just walked around a city and talked with strangers or seen the smaller places and scenes hidden or ignored by the public? I know it seems to be a random question, but it was just something I was thinking about today. If you just observe these people, some may be poor, some working night shifts, many simply struggling to survive or living only to care for their families.. these are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet if you just spark up a conversation, the ones who have nothing to lose. How can someone look into another's eyes, seeing there's a human there who's just like themself.. and not feel compassion for this person, thinking about all their struggles, memories, emotions, everything they'll ever think and feel and experience... to imagine an entire world all behind some man or woman's eyes, and knowing you're just like them in many ways.

Knowing this, how can a human being hurt another without feeling guilt and shame for their action? I just can't watch this happen anymore, I can't bear to see people being mistreated and exploited, I can't stand for social injustices, and I'm just sick from being unable to take my focus off all the negative aspects of humanity and life. I understand that there is a lot of good in the world too, but I just can't find it anymore, I've tried so much for many years. No medication or therapy will ever bring me the passion I need to enjoy life again, it's something that must happen of it's own accord. I've simply ignored my feelings for too long; deep inside, I've harbored a significant resentment towards other humans, and it's too powerful a hatred for me to continue repressing.

I don't know how to leave; I can't imagine I would ever be able to go through with suicide knowing how harmful it would be to my family, but there must be a way to escape from this world. There has to be a peaceful way to find relief and freedom from life, I just don't know the solution yet. It might be possible to simply travel away and lose contact with all others before suicide, this way they might never locate your body to confirm a death... though I doubt disappearing would be any less painful for family than a suicide.


I to am an emotional sponge.We have a lot in common you and i.Why dont we sit and chat a while?


Well-Known Member
Syd, I think it is so wonderful that you are such a compassionate and empathic person. We need more people like you in this world, not less! Have you thought of doing something proactive to help the less fortunate in this world, like volunteering at a homeless shelter or a nursing home or something? You have so much to offer.
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