How could you have done this to me. ME. We were together for 4 years! You used to be so so so sweet. You used to be so genuine. How and when did you turn so cold towards me? I know I got depressed. I'm really sorry that it brought you down. But could you have tried to have been there for me! Could you have tried to talk to me, encouraged me, supported the one you loved!!!!!!!!! You used to hold me and take my ring off my finger and say "are you going to marry me?" How did that turn into "i would never marry you, and i don't want to ever marry you or even move in with you, and i don't want to ever get married." How did you change you mind?! I was always too good to you. I brought and made you sweets all the time. I paid for dinner and movies half the time. I bought you expensive skim boards on your birthday and on holidays. You didn't get me shit for my birthdays 2 of those years..but you eventually did...You were always a very selfish person. I'm sorry about the baby. I know that's the main reason you hate me so much. It wasn't my fault completely.. I know, I should have been stronger, I could have tried a little harder....We were both scared, but go so excited. I wish you would have come and taken me away from that house. I tried to leave many times but my mom always begged me to stay. so I did. I wanted the baby more than you can comprehend. And is the reason that babies were on my mind for a while after. I guess that's pretty common though in that situation......Or baby was 3 months when I killed it. And it was a girl. Every time I dreamed of it, it was a girl. You don't know my nightmares of the baby....and how I would wake up crying hysterically from them. You knew the horrible things my dad said to me to get me to have an abortion...."it's a burden that no one wants, no matter what you do, it will always be a bastard, even if you got married, you're body is going to be ruined, and unattractive for the rest of your life, if you think you can make it in the world you're fooling your self if you think you can go to school and work, you'll be nothing but trash no matter what you try to do you fail." ect ect.........all day long. I still hate myself, the guilt is unbearable. And believe I should be the one to die. You said you still loved me and cared about me. You just weren't in love with me. And that we always had an awesome time. Then why couldn't we have worked at it together? Why did you want to throw all that away? I've been dating several guys since you broke up with me. they're all great, nice, genuine, sweet, guys. way better to me than you ever were. But still, I can't feel anything for them....and I'm afraid to hurt them. All I want is for things to be the way they were 4 years ago. How the fuck did you change you mind so easily and so cruelly? But we started fucking. I put on an act, of how happy I was, and how much I didn't care about you, just was horney. And it worked. You said you were sorry I had such a hard time with breaking up..and if you knew you would have helped me...that you still loved me and cared about me, but just weren't in love with me. You said I was so sexy, and a fox. But when I told you I couldn't do that anymore because of the other guys I was dating....all you had to say was "well, it was fun, I don't want a girlfriend, so good luck with all that." I do hope that you're happy. I hope being free of me is everything you thought is would be. BUT FUCK YOU I LOVE YOU AND I HATE YOU SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT. I AM THE STUPID GIRL IN LOVE WITH A SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT.