This morning I consumed more coffee than I've ever had in my entire life (two full pots) which was followed up by MSG-soaked Chinese leftovers and a dozen microwaveable burritos. These were the extra spicy brand which are 20% off when purchased in bulk with a Costco membership. It was roughly 30 minutes later in the bathroom when I was humbled by a religious experience of godly proportions. Frozen in mid-wipe, I was overcome by an intuitive, if not morbid curiosity to examine my handiwork. Stealing a guilty peek into the bowl, I was surprised to find the face of Christ smiling up at me. While his complexion was darker than normally portrayed, it was undeniably the Prince of Peace himself. I've long since captured the evidence on my digital camera, though I believe this miracle is best experienced in person. I'm currently in the process of converting the entire apartment into a Biblical Museum with my bathroom as the main exhibit. The public entrance fee is yet to be determined, though I'm taking this opportunity to extend a free invitation to all SF members wishing to partake in the museum's debut party. Just a heads up - the parking here is limited, so make your reservations early. Volunteer Doorman is still needed, reply here if interested in the position. Thanks.