I live in Kentucky within walking distance of the Ohio River. About 2 miles from where I live is the "locks of the ohio". Basically it is a water based elevator system for barges, ships, and large boats that can't handle the rapids. I walked there this morning since it was cool outside. While standing on a walk path that goes to the locks I wondered how long it would take me to drown if I jumped in and the huge water tunnels that allow water to flow into the locks sucked me under. A logical person would first hope they wouldn't fall in and if they did fall in they would hope someone would save them before they die, and if they do die they would hope it would be quick. I was pretty much the opposite. I didn't want to jump, but I wished I would have tripped and fell in. I further hoped that no one would see me fall in so that the suction from the water flow through the tunnels would keep me helplessly trapped under the surface of the water where I would slowly die. Don't worry, I'm not going to jump or trip and fall. It was just a random thought that I am sharing. Last week I had to call 911 on myself so that I wouldn't ???? When the cops got there they asked me if I had any weapons in the house. I told them I did. They took my (rhymes with fun) away. I also had a concealed carry permit that has temporarily been revoked. I have to go to court Tuesday to have it reinstated. I have to have that so that I can carry my (rhymes with fun) with me so that I feel safe. The worst thing about that night is that they had to put me in handcuffs. Not because I was being combative, threatening to hurt people, or myself, but because it is their policy. I haven't felt so helpless in 20 years. I cried, I shook, I panicked, and felt like things were going to happen to me. The kind of things that happened to me 20 years ago. It has been 5 days and I am still trying to feel safe. I can't wait till court is over with so that I can get my (rhymes with fun) back and feel safe. Yes I am going nuts.