A Waste of Space

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Rose24, Jul 6, 2009.

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  1. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    I feel like I can never do anything right. My mother makes me so worthless all the time. She constantly would tell me that I am too fat, too flat chested, too dark etc… I struggled to cope with this as an awkward and rather large child; I remember telling myself over and over that “I was a big, fat, waste of space” in the literal sense as well as metaphorically. I have been recalling theses childhood memories a great deal recently, perhaps because I feel that not much has changed since I was 7 or 8.

    Though I can deal with the comments above most of the time now; yes, they still haven’t stopped; it hurts when she implies that I’m a screw up because I know it’s true. She keeps reminding me that I ruined my relationship with my ex and that it’s my fault that neither him nor my daughter are in my life anymore. She tells me it’s because I “choose” to surround my self in chaos and that I need to “buck up”. It’s difficult because I really am trying to fix myself and I feel like it gets thrown in my face over and over again and I’m losing motivation. I feel as though I really have made positive steps forward to fixing my life but all my attempts never seem to be enough. She never notices how much improvement I have made but focuses on my depressive moods and uses them as an excuse to tell me I have made little progress.

    I told her I planned on moving out today; to her horror; told me I wouldn’t be able to cope alone and I fear that she is correct. I honestly don’t know what to do.

    Thank you for reading, I hope you are safe and well,

  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Life as a depressive is hard enough without somebody degrading us. If you can manage life on your own I think that is a good idea. Get out of that poisonous environment.
  3. Lone_walker

    Lone_walker Well-Known Member

    Hi Nila, don't listen to your mother, you are not a waste of space, your a great person and i am sure many people (sf and in real life) would agree. I hope things turn out better for you and that you will one day get over the degradation of your mother.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree the enviroment your are in is very poisoness. Some parents just dont' have the skills or knowledge to say the right things. She may think she is being good to you trying to get you moving to change but the negative comments are abuse. Is there anyway you can move into a womens shelter for awhile or with a friend or even go to a crisis house for a few days just to give yourself a few days to breath to think without being badgered. If she starts up again just say STOP not yelling but loud and say i have enough already you are hurting me please stop. See if that hellps maybe she will understand your pain then.
  5. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I am glad you are moving out as noone deserves to be told those things... I hope you have a support system too(friends, other family, most importantly a therapist) to help you through this transition. You can certainly cope alone and we will all be here to support you through this :hug:
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You should definately move out of there, you don't need that sort of environment, it'll only drag you down..trust me, i would know.
    Good luck :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Rose,
    I think you should go for it, take the chance and move out. Without her degrading and unsupportive comments all the time,you'll probably feel much better on your own.
    Have you told her how this has affected you? If so,how did she react?
    Counselling may help with your self esteem issues hun, don't give up, we're here for you every step of the way :)
    Take care x
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey. I don't have advice on your living situation, I'm not in a very supportive environment and don't know what to do either. I mean at the very least if it's that bad there's always shelters... or somewhere that can help you out depending on how old you are...

    But either way you said that she never focuses on how much improvement you've made. Well just remember that you have made improvement and make sure you focus on it even if she won't recognize it. Block her out as much as you can. It's such a tough situation.

    And don't ever start to believe that you are a waste of space, because that's just not true. Don't ever believe that it's "your fault" for things that have many more sides than what your mom might be screaming in your ear. Sounds like she is blaming you for things you cannot control, and like you said, making you feel like a waste. But you're not, and I'm glad you're here, so you can have people tell you that, and mean it!

    I hope you figure out something with your situation soon. Whether it is so bad that you have to leave or just learning to block her out better and come here when she screams at you. I can sympathize. I've chosen the blocking out method. It's been working ok :laugh:

    Keep posting love :heart:
  9. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I couldn't have said it better...

    My parents, friends, family did this to me, and are STILL doing this to me.
    Get away from them. It has taken me 26yrs but I am finally leaving them. I can't take it anymore either.

    If you are making positive steps, you definitely do not need her reassurance. You know you are doing what it right, we have all made mistake, but focusing on the past can be so discouraging so forget about it and concentrate on your future and what is to come. If she cannot handle that, move out and don't tell her! She sounds like one of those abusive husbands who keeps you down to make themselves feel better and so that you will never leave them.
    Be strong Rose and leave, you don't need her or that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2009
  10. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    we live in a cruel world, I also grew up in a emotional and physical violent home

    in some ways I thank them for it because this is a cruel world and cruel people run it, at least in the country I live
  11. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    I know I have to get out, but I don’t always know if I have the courage to do it alone, I suppose that being at home has stopped me from ever having to take on the responsibilities of an adult, and though my mother does degrade me she loves me dearly and takes care of me which I know is an immense burden on herself. I don’t know why I feel the need to defend her at this point, but nonetheless I do. My anxieties stretch beyond that about what will happen when I am in a low mood neglect to eat, bathe or even get out of bed but to responsibilities about bills, finance and more importantly finding a place to stay.

    We have discussed how she makes me feel several time, she tends to get very defensive and makes me feel ungrateful for everything she does for me, its difficult to argue when I know that the things she is saying are essentially true. I know that she doesn’t want to let me go, but she is probably just as lonely as I am and I don’t blame her for wanting to hold on.

    I am so sorry to hear that so many of you are in the same situation, it really isn’t fair, I just wish there was an obvious way out.

    Thank you for making me feels so empowered, take care and be safe,

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