I'm just tired of life. It's only suffering. I've been depressed for the largest part of my life (I'm 26 now), and that coupled with social phobia/social avoidance and marijuana use for the last 5 years has helped me reach a point of no return. I'm unemployed for a long time (3+ years), graduated in something I dislike and can't stand working with, and I don't have any friends or acquaintances left. I burned all my bridges. I'm deeply afraid of getting a job, i have no work record, only internships, and i forgot all i learned in college. I have two possibilities regarding employement: work in the area in which i graduated, which i hate and have no skills (I just can't do the work, and it would be impossible to get a job with my crappy resume), or work McDonald's type of jobs, or janitorial stuff. I live with my parents as a leach, I have no income and my relationship with them is not good. They are very problematic people on their own terms. I live like a recluse, only leaving the house for therapy, and I'm afraid of being seen by people because of my situation. I'm deeply ashamed of who I am. I started volunteering but I didn't do any of the work I was supposed to because I was unmotivated, so it's just more bridges burned with a whole new group of people. I just can't get out of bed and the social interaction is too much for me. I could try sorting my life out, trying to work, but I'm too depressed. I'd rather just die because I already destroyed my possibilities of having a decent life. I can't see a good future for me, I can't see how I could live normally, with a job I don't hate and without the constant feeling of anxiety, fear and inferiority brought by being around other people. My social phobia is pretty bad, I can never relax around people, I never know what to say, I have nothing interesting to say and I make most people uncomfortable with my presence. I'm just unable to relate to people. I used to have a girlfriend but she left me. I was in a different mindset when i met her and not so screwed up as I am now. I can see that was the last relationship in my life, as now everything is too messed up. No sane woman would want my company. I spend most days in bed thinking about suicide. It's the only thought that brings me comfort. I think about different ways I could do it, and I feel I'm getting closer to getting the courage to finally end this hell called life. I think of it everyday, sometimes for hours in a row. I have a very simple plan to do it, actually.