A Weird Thought

[E.D]

Yesterday I felt really suicidal, but my parents were on to me and it was late at night and my dad forced me to stay in my room, and there's nothing in there except small razer blades.
6 months ago or so I cut my wrist quite bad...spent ages in a psychiatric ward etc etc.

I've really wanted to kill myself for months now but turns out I'm just really shit at it (lack the will(courage/lack of courage , whatever) ...
yet last night I thought out of nowhere about <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>..which confused me becus I mainly havent done anything becus of lack of efficiency and the amount of pain. So this idea kinda confused me because it felt like a resonable method. I've got a plan to do it and everything, its just quite odd i thought of the most painful way to do it as I always used to try to find the least painful.......anyone else got this?

I spose for me its a sort of punishment for taking so long...

So I just put this up as an experience, odd as it is.

Edit: Well after being banned from the chat for 'encouraging suicide' by asking a member about the reality of his plans, which is encouraging suicide, I'm guessing cus I didnt ignore him nd say 'Hugs!'...chat was the one thing occupying me, and its 3:20am so I may as well do it now. (No this is not a letter, no matter how you paint it mods/admins) I'm just sharing my experience, and hope if other people that have had it will have better luck then me.

 

[sorrygrl3]

WOW! That would be really painful. I don't think that's a good idea at all. But I completely understand the "pain" thing. I constantly feel like I deserve to be in pain. Is that how you feel?

 

[E.D]

I think it's gone on long enough, that I've inflicted so much pain on the people around me, that it seems at least like justice on their part.

 

[sorrygrl3]

Idk it seems to me like you would be causing more pain for those around you or for those who care about you.

 

[Degenerate Escapist]

I've thought about that method quite a few times. It won't be pleasant that's for sure, and if you survive you'll be significantly disfigured. XD

I really hope that you stay and try to find some meaning in life. We're all stuck here in the same world, struggling to make something for ourselves or to just make It through the day.

 

[E.D]

Of course I would. I don't deny that. If they read this they will see I know that. I'm sure lots of people will have an opinion about that, but I've reached the stage where I really don't care. They think I'm a bastard, I dont care, I'm dead. They think I was dillusioned, I would argue they need to look at life, and what it means, maybe we just have differentiating opinions, no need to force that opinion on me, if they respect me, they will respect my opinion, if not, I cant really have an opinion on that. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons and opinions they will hold but...opinions don't change reality, just look at religion.

 

[E.D]

I've thought about that method quite a few times. It won't be pleasant that's for sure, and if you survive you'll be significantly disfigured. XD

I really hope that you stay and try to find some meaning in life. We're all stuck here in the same world, struggling to make something for ourselves or to just make It through the day.

Well we arent supposed to talk about methods, but I'll just say you do it right. I wonder if mods can moderate that?

EDIT: Also seems quite..artsy or something. A statement...I take a terribly long time doing anything but when I do it, I do it right! I dunoo...

 

[E.D]

edit moderator total eclipse not appropriate

 

[eagles_fan]

I don't know why anyone would want to cut themselves. It hurts everyone who knows what you did.

Please don't kill yourself.

 

[E.D]

I must just be a shit of a human being =D

 

[eagles_fan]

You're not a shitty human being. I don't think so at all.

Why would you say that?

 

[Acy]

Eagles_Fan got to the question before me...Why do you feel you're so terrible? You really don't seem like a bad sort. Hurting, definitely, but a bad human, no.