A worthless mess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The Lost Shadow, Sep 24, 2012.

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  1. What happens when your life is messed up past the point of no return?

    I'm homeless, I am posting from a public library. I'm a convicted felon with no job skills, my family won't even look at me. Everything I ever try fails. Literally. No exaggeration. The longer I live, the steadily worse my life gets. If I had died when I was 17, when I first had these feelings, I would never have seen my college career go down the toilet. I would never known what a year in jail is like. I'd never have known what it's like living at a Rescue Mission. I'd never have had to watch my home, my job, my car, my self-respect, or my will to live go one by one. I'm at the bottom and there's no way up. All I see are obsticals. All I hear are social workers telling me what I can't do. Is this the life I'm destined to live? If so, I want out.

    I don't want to die. Yesterday I watched a few little sparrows while I sat on a park bench. They were so cute and full of life. I felt something inside that I've almost forgotten how to feel, I think it was enjoyment. There are things about this world I love. I don't want to die. But I feel like it's the best option left.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your social workers ask them what you should be doing to get ahead now. Everyone can rebuild hun ok there is hope. I am glad you are ate a rescue mission perhaps talk to someone there see what next steps are to take to get your life back hun. small steps ok maybe even volunteer somewhere get job experiance There a people who have spent time in prision come out and get a second chance at turning lives around you can hun ok small steps talk to those councillors and see what next step you can take hugs
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are in a very hard position without doubt, but I have met others in very very similar situations that have found a way back to a good place. I would start with finding a church, clergy (no I am not telling you to go find religion in anyway) as very very often clergy have a good working knowledge not only of public sector assistance but private charities as well. If you are still on probation or anything your PO may be able to help you get into a half way house - not the ideal situation but a tiny step in the right direction. They may well have a list of sorts of places willing to look past the criminal record to give employment- not likely a dream job, but once again a step in the right direction.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  4. I dunno, it's like every door is closed.

    I want to go back to school but I can't. I was on financial aid and I got really depressed and dropped out. Wrote the financial aid commitee for a 2nd chance, which they granted. Got depressed again and dropped out, again. My last computed GPA was 3.4, but I can't go back unless I pay for it myself. Better chance of winning the lottery.

    Same goes for any aid or relief. I was on food stamps a few years back to supplement my income, but I refused to take time off from work to attend a "job preparedness" class that was mandatory for anyone on food stamps. So I was sanctioned and can't get them anymore.

    It's like every idea I have to better my life gets shot down because of some obsticle. I almost feel like I'm being "herded" towards the final end.
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

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