a worthless post.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by lost_child, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Please accept my apologises if I could have got back on the boards sooner I would have, I'm sorry.

    I took another overdose on Friday nite and was admitted to hospital, because I've previously taken overdoses and been admitted I was kept in for 72 hours to allow them to evulate me (like some science project...oh fucking great). apprentely I am sane (woohoo), I "just" have very bad coping mechnisms which involve taking tablets and need to look at over ways to deal with intense feelins.

    I don't feel like its a victory surviving, more of a let down...I wanted to die, I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to sleep forever. The only difference between today and friday, is that my records now have "suicidal", "attempted suicide" and god knows what other labels they want to give me.

    I don't see a future, I try living for each day, taken each day, each hour and each minute as it comes...but even then the thoughts remain, the feelings towards myself remain, the love that I want but can't get is missing, the feelings of being on my own are still there..28 years of being on my own, fighting to survive, the constant battles in my mind, depression clouding my head I don't even want to think about another day let alone another year of feeling like this.

    I don't know what to do, I feel stuck and I can't get out...any help, advice would be much appreicated.
  2. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Hey sweetie I am so glad to hear that you survived. I was starting to worry about you because no one had heard from you. I am so sorry that your feeling this way. Just remember I am here for you if you want to talk and everyone else too is here if you want the support. That is all any of us can do when we are like this is take it day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour and second by second. I know that the thoughts remain sweetie and I am so sorry that they do. Take care and I love you. By the way I do not think this thread or post is a worthless post. So many of us were wondering about you. Take care sweetheart and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  3. markc

    markc Active Member

    Babe, don't worry about the "labels" that other people apply to you. They don't mean a thing. The labels that you apply to yourself are the only important ones. The labels you want to embrace are "I matter", "I have worth", "I am cared about by others, because those are ALL true. You DO matter, you DO have worth, and we DO care about you.

    Take me for example. I'm 51, so I've been around the block a time or two. These days, when I get up in the morning, my #1 goal is just to make it to the end of the day. That's my target, and it's not impossible to accomplish. Every sunset is a victory.

    I know you can do this as well. If you concentrate on your little victories, the bigger ones will come of their own accord.

    You can do it. We can help.


    - Mark
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I know it may feel and seem like your in a dark place, where there's no light at all reaching you but there is light reaching you, it the tiny but it's there. Keep in there and keep fighting. It will be worth it, you won't know if you don't try.
  5. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i agree^
    you deserve to live hun :hug:
  6. stayorgo

    stayorgo Member


    I'm new to this site. I came here for help myself for thoughts of suicide. I've been taking medication for depression for several years now and I also have hypothyroidism. I've never considered suicide until the last few months. I went to see an Endocronologist to see why I feel so lifeless. I just saw a doctor the end of July and he said my thyroid felt fine and my blood test were normal. This specialist said he was wrong, that my thyroid was larger and firmer than it should be and it could be causing me to feel the way I feel. I feel like I have nothing to live for, I want for nothing, I don't have the energy to do anything, I hate to shower, brush my teeth, leave the house, be around people. I just want to be left alone. Everyone has been telling me I'm lazy or I'm depressed or it is all in my head, and this doctor disagreed with all of them and said he could help me. He ran all kind of blood test and I see him again in 3 weeks to see what we do next. He said my thyroid gland or pitutary gland could be causing all the feelings. He said most doctors misdiagnose these problems with depression and other mental disorders. If you have an Endocronologist specialist in your area please go see him/her and have blood work done on these 2 glands and anything else he wants to check out. I'm very sorry to hear about your over dose attempt, I'm glad it didn't work for you. My mother attempted suicide on an overdose and almost succeeded back in 94. She has chronic back pain and was on all types of pain meds, in 95 she was taken off the meds and put on methadone. She has had a big turn around in her life. I think very often lately about killing myself. I'm home alone enough to were I think I could succeed if I tried. I think my mother is the main reason I haven't tried yet, and plus I don't want my soul going to hell. I can't think of any reason to live. Each day I get up lay on the couch all day and go to bed and I repeat this day in and day out. I might leave the house once a week or every 2 weeks. But I'm trying to hang in to see if this doctor can fix me. I've researched these 2 glands since I've seen him, and I can see my symptoms are close to the same of the gland disorders. I don't know if you believe in god or not, but he has given you another chance to live and find a reason to stay!

  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    when I woke I wasn't pleased to be alive, that the peaceful life I so want is so far out of my reach. I used to want my mum to hold me and say that she loves me, or that she will be at my side always....but thats an empty dream that will never happen, it never happened in the last 28 years so why would I think it would be different now...

    I wanted a reason to live, to be alive, to have a life and feel happiness, or even just contentment, but I don't feel or see any of that. I'm empty.
  8. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    i know how you feel

  9. MollisMomma

    MollisMomma New Member

    I'm so glad you're still here, Sweetie. (I hope you don't mind my calling you that.) My name is Jill, and I came home and found my daughter 6 years ago. What I would've given to have had her seeking help as you are instead of learning to block out that excruciating image and go on without her.:sad:

    I also appreciated Mark's response about getting through today, because that's all you have to do right now. If I told you that what you've gone through could really help others, even much younger than you, would that possibly give you the feeling of being needed - a sense of purpose that you want?

    I can't bring back 28 years, but I'd love to wrap my arms around you and give you a big "mum" hug, and tell you that I love you - because I do.

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