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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bleach, Mar 16, 2008.

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  1. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    It is so clear now, there is something wrong with my brain.
    The simplest parts of social interaction, things which are second nature to most people, are impossible to me

    I look like a god-damned fool just trying to talk to another person.

    even trying to keep a positive frame of mind, act as friendly as I can, muster up all the courage i possibly can, they still see right through me

    I don't know what is wrong with me and I doubt I will ever know. I just want to be normal so badly and it seems impossible.


    Fuck. How could life be so horrible? Is this really all there is?

    Fuck it.
     
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    You are not alone, I feel the same way.

    Goto the doctors and tell them how you're feeling, I found taking an antidepressant helped with those feelings.

    It could be caused by depression/anxiety.

    I just don't like being social, I feel very awkward all the time, you could try some CBT maybe, that could help. Just because things are difficult doesn't mean they are impossible.

    Take care
     
  3. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Gosh - you sound just like I used to feel, and still do sometimes, but I am so much more confident now than I ever was. These things take a long time and are not easy. Ask yourself though, what is normal? Who is normal? Is there such thing as normal? Or do we all struggle in different ways?!
     
  4. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    You are not alone in thinking there is something wrong with your brain. I used to blame my brain and feel like it was all my fault and that somehow I was incapable. Not sure if this will help you to know you are not alone with these feelings, so I have included an old poem of mine:

    Please forgive me while I break,
    For all too much has come of late,
    There’s only so much one can take,
    Stand back, the volcano is ready to rupture,
    My cup is full and needs empting,
    Please stand back while I release everything,

    In my selfish psychosis I am aware,
    Of the pain I cause others,
    Who get in my hair,
    Making it worse all round I want to escape,
    To know I am causing them damage too,
    I try to hold it back but it’s too late,
    My head is filled with fury and hate,

    Mind in a trance and is playing tricks,
    My tormented head cannot think,
    I’m coming down with a fever,
    Brain crippled with disease?
    Where did it all come from?
    The day I was conceived,
    There was always something wrong with me,

    As I feel sorry for myself,
    Please understand,
    This personal metamorphosis,
    Is my spiritual plan,
    Only love can set me free,
    From this perfect misery,
    Trapped like a child,
    And wanting to reach the skies,
    Cross into the light so soon,
    But empowered I shall be,
    To be with others who are like me,

    Too long I have been on the verge,
    Of an illness others would say absurd,
    I can’t help but flip,
    Exposing to all,
    A side of me they never knew,

    Please forgive me while I break
     
  5. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Thanks for the advice. I had a bad night and decided to just put it behind me, today is a new day, you know? I would try the doctors but i don't have health insurance and can't afford it right now. Thanks for sharing your poem, too. :)
     
  6. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    What is CBT, by the way?
     
  7. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I think it is like counselling to change your patterns of thinking.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;;;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;; sa.;.;aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    CBT can be very helpful to some people. I would encourage you to find someone you can talk to about your feelings bleach. i do understand the barrier of affordability though. When it comes to your life, it will be worth it in the long run. :hug:
     
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