Abandonment due to cybersex

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TLA, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I have not posted in a really long time, but I feel my guts trying to hold my life together and I may spew like an oil well soon. I need to get this out, if not for you to read, just for me to release it. I have a shitty story of a life. I am trying to "don't worry BE happy" :yeah:

    Am feeling so alone. The holidays are coming....normally that is time of happiness. A lot of us are sad over the next few months. I have my brother and my 89 year old grandmother that I treasure. My father died 5 years ago. I had a bipolar breakdown 3 days after that...long shitty story. Now, no one in my father's family talks to me. Or even acknowledge me. You may ask WHY? Cybersex. I sent X-rated photos of myself in an email to a man. My sister found it --I was trying to use her AOL until I had enough money to pay for my own. She had a parental guard (cuz of my nephew) which alerted her to the photos. She HAD to go and tell EVERYONE in the family. Now, they all avoid me like the plague. They don't even TRY!!! to find out WHY I did such a crazed thing. They judge and blame and don't even care about me or that I was ill at the time this happened. It hurts when relatives just think you have lost your mind.
    I hate to think 'WHAT IF----', but "What if my father was still alive?" My life would be different!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My aunt called me "sick and vile, your behavior is not normal"...NO, IT SURE ISN'T. Auntie Ellen told me 'talk to your doctor about this behavior'..... The very next week I told my social worker and pdoc what happened...they did not blink an eye and told me it was cuz I was lonely and had too much isolation. So, my real blood family treat me like garbage and make me still think of death. But I still talk to the man. I want to stop with the cybersex, and I don't know how....Now I think I am a sex addict.

    If bipolar and anxiety are not enough to deal with. Now, I have no support system cuz of them seeing my personal business...

    The story continues --:lol:.....
    My husband :nerd: divorced me while I was in the hospital (for my breakdown). He has custody of our son. I finally worked part-time to hire an attorney to get visitation. Son is now 7 years and he does not know he has a mom {me}. Anyways, I am daily prayiying and trying not to be very sad about that :hugtackles:....I am very spiritual, so I'm praying a lot for Jesus to guide me and my attorney and the judge. {YES, I do beleive God-Jesus-Holy Spirit is one} I have little choice, so I am working w/in the court system toward seeing my son. He is healthy, happy, smart, handsome, and whole so I have faith he will be strong.
    :starwars: My son loves Star Wars!:smile:

    Is it morning or night?? Thank you for listening to this shiz. :Leiaha: Please feel free to send me your views. Don't ask for cybersex. Never again!!! I realize I am not living a clean, holy life by partaking in cybersex. Thats why I want to stop.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2010
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    you know there's nothing wrong with cyber sex and wanting to be intimate with someone...it's human nature, that doesn't make you bad or negative at all...you have the right to express yourself sexually in any way you see fit...it's not the end of the world...

    your family is probably part jealous because you were carefree at expressing yourself...if you were a guy showing naked pics of yourself, the discussion would probably be quite different...there's a double standard when it comes to sex, and many people are still closed minded that women can be sensual and sexual just like men and that's healthy...

    with that being said, if you feel forced to do so in any way, then that's different...you have a right to say no, if you don't feel like it...you should do what makes you happy no matter what others say...its sad but there are people out there who don't want you to be happy...and sadly that can be family members as well...so you need to take a stand for yourself and your freedom of expression whatever it may be...:hug:
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I agree with 'Living in my own world' on pretty much all points.
    It is horrible what happened to you when you were exposed-- part of the thrill a person gets when they 'cybersex' with someone is the possibility of getting caught or exposed-- when they do not get caught or are exposed. It was quite painful for you and embarrassing, I would imagine...

    It's not dirty or wrong of you to want that with a person you are close to or attracted to- but I would suggest not sending photos to anyone unless you know them quite well. The internet can be a big, scary place.
    One thing you can think of if you want to stop yourself from 'cybering' is that you never know if the photos you send could be used for a purpose other than the receiver's enjoyment. (probably wouldn't happen- but it could scare you enough to deter you from doing it if you are not sure if you should)

    I just wanted to make one thing clear though... even a priest or the most respectable woman in the world would want love and to be desired by someone they love at some point--- even if it would be looked down upon; it is human nature to want that from someone- on the internet- down the street- at home - you should not feel ashamed of that.
    If your family truly are caring people of God; they will forgive you in time. They can feel embarrassed for you all they want but it's impossible for them to stop caring for you, because you are their flesh and blood.
  4. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Living in my own world, and Kitty Girl, thank you both for your replies and support. The photos were a one time thing that I was embarrassed about when it came to light. I never thought my family would react this way though. I told my grandmother and she still accepted me, warts and all. She was 88 when I told her. lol

    Anyhow, thank you for hearing me and letting me get it off my shoulders! I feel I can breathe and not feel overwhelming guilt. I love SF.
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Cybersex is about as undeviant as you can get. There's something wrong with your family...
  6. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    It's safe sex, for sure. Ya won't get pregnant. They must be ignorant...