Abducted Chastity --- triggering!!

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by demuredawn, Nov 22, 2013.

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  1. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    I really rarely ever display this poem to anyone because I once showed it a counselor I had in my past and he told me I had no clue how to write poetry and that I shouldn't use big words cuz I clearly had no idea how to use them. If you agree its fine, say so... sorry for wasting your time, if you do not agree with what he said, please tell me that too... either way, I'd like to know your opinion...?

    Abducted Chastity

    As she walks along, others look in her eye
    A smile, a wave, as they pass on by
    The fear, the shame, the pain that she hides,
    Under lock and key held safe inside.

    A plastic grin to mask her anguish and rage,
    A lonely girl smiles and ducks away.
    She tries to wipe away the enduring stain
    She cannot cleanse from her body or brain:

    The memory of his acrid touch, pushing aside
    The blackened cloth he left behind,
    Tearing apart the remaining strands
    Of the vile carapace amid the putrid sands.

    Never again to know the purity of dawn
    Or the innocence of the swan
    Like walls of steel reinforced by titanium
    She weaves a web that keeps her in

    Her fears, her thoughts never end
    Doomed to enter her own Abbadon
    She walks alone; a smile, a wave
    Into her grave...
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Well, I think that was stupid for your counselor to say, because this is really well-written. I think you do have a knack for poetry, and you are good at it, so please don't let others discourage you. In my opinion, it's really good :)
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    thank you, witty :)
  4. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    dawn.... its gorgeous... just gorgeous... listen to none who discourage your writing.... its just... gorgous
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    thank you thorn :)
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