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About a week ago....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by TaraJo, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    I made another attempt.

    It kinda started like all mine do. I was doing alright, except that I'm getting frustrated with the job search world and the fact that having little to no money was actually holding me back from finding work.

    Well, then I got in a fight with my roommate. And I couldn't make a phone call or go online for help, so my borderline started to kick in because I felt really alone and isolated and un-cared about and abandoned. And I started to cry... then I moved on to cutting myself... then threatening to take pills.... then I took about < Mod Edit - Specific Methods > and went to sit outside and wait. That's how it always happens with me: I cry, and if I get no help, I cut and if I get no help, I threaten suicide and if I get no help, I attempt suicide. A while later the police came by with an ambulance and took me to the hospital. I drank charcoal and stayed overnight. I fully expected the crisis center to (again) refuse to admit me, and I intended to, as soon as they let me out, go find an overpass and jump off of it right away. Well, they admitted me to the crisis center for a few days. Then my plan was to jump off of said overpass as soon as I got out but I did cool down and had an idea or two. Now I don't have anywhere in Oklahoma City to stay so I'm leaving on a wing and a prayer to stay with a friend in Corsicana TX.

    It's ironic; I can't get a job because I can't get stability but I can't get stability because I can't get a job. That's where my stress seems to come from lately; BPD just makes it that much worse.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2009
  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy


    i'm so glad that your attempt failed. i feel just as alone and isolated as you. what happened to your roomate? and how did the ambulance to know come get you?

    i have the same intentions as you - commiting. i want to so bad but the overwhelmingness of some things are keeping me here. it's kinda confusing..

    anyway i'm glad you have somewhere to stay and maybe you can get a job there. try a walmart or something like that to get some job experience. it'll suck, but it'll be experience and you'll get paid.

    if you ever need to talk, you can always contact me. i'm here to help you.
  3. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    If you have BPD, can't you apply for social security or disability?

  4. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Maybe I could. Truth is, if I did, I would have to wait a pretty long time and I have no way to pay bills until I'm approved. Besides, I know I can get my life together and get not just a job but a career going. Right now, my top priority is getting into school and second is getting a job. Keep yur fingers crossed.

    As it is now, I'm staying in a household that could bring even more drama, but at least I'm around people who I know care.
  5. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I do know you could apply for medical disability. You just write down the date of your last working day. You can get that for like a year. I managed to get it for 1.5 years. You can then apply for social security at the same time. That takes like 3 months to go through. A psychiatrist can help you fill out the paperwork and you just have to show you're being treated. Try that.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: tarajo

    I'm glad you're here to tell the tale, I'm also glad the hospital kept you in, keep moving forward!
  7. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Really? Okay, I might see about that. First I have to find a therapist who can help me, though; I live kinda out in the boonies and have no car so that could be kinda hard. Doesn't help that I have no insurance and little money, either.

    I do worry, though, if I go on disability, couldn't it hurt my chances to get a job as a nurse later? Right now, getting into school is my top priority.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No i don't believe it can hurt you chances of becoming a nurse later. That would be descrimination. If you need assistance now does not mean you will need it later you will have gotten therapy and improved so i would not worry abt that
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