I was abused as a child by my father who would sexualy molest me by making me grab his manhood and then kick me for crying. My dad used to drink when I was a kid and would do things to my brother and I like come here so I can teach you what fire is for just playing with a empty lighter at the age of four and would grab my hand hold it over the flame and then say have you learned your lesson yet. My mother never knew of the abuse until she caught him in the act and busted a lamp over his head. I have a lot of memories and I suffer from ed because of this man and all I used to think about was killing my dad but a few years ago I met this wonderful woman who I could really talk to and had simler issues and we later got married but about two years ago she died with a brain tumor. She left me with some great memories and saved me from killing myself. I have been getting professional help for the panic attacks,depression,suicidal thoughts and as much as I hate taking meds they have been a real help. I tried drugs when I was a kid and would smoke pot but it never really helped for that long I was back at square one when the affects of the drug would ware off. This is a little bit about me but not everything but I feel like sharing to really to connect with other people here.