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About my mother

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lonelymortal, Dec 10, 2010.

  1. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Just a poem to get something off my chest("let it all out" seems like an appropriate place for this post); rhymes in some parts and not others, and I'm well aware that I'm not exactly Edgar Allan Poe..
    Thank you for reading and comments are welcome, even if it's only "I feel your pain" it would be much appreciated. I could use some support right now.

    The day you told me how you felt
    I wish I could have killed myself
    But I'm a coward, still around
    Not lying lifeless in the ground..
    I never asked for you to be perfect
    Nor expected such
    Such a cold and lonely winter, as I sit here, old and bitter..
    Maybe those commercials gave me false hope?
    I can still see that grin on your face
    As you told me my true worth in your eyes
    I was young and vulnerable
    I could have used some love
    Instead I know what hate is made of..
    I thought that one day you might change
    How naive and hopeful I was..
    I just wanted a little help..
    But like a book that rests on a shelf
    You never even tried
    I thought you were supposed to and maybe I was wrong
    I thought you were supposed to be my mom

    You don't know how much it hurt
    When you let me know how much you thought I was worth
    I was never perfect, that is true
    But I could never be heartless like you
    I can still see that smile and it makes me smile back like a deranged fool
    I must have spent enough time being upset..
    If it was too hard to try why did you become a mother I wonder?
    But there is no answer to be found..
    They said family is always there for you
    But I question the validity of such statements..
    I don't think I'll ever forget
    The cruel words that you have said
    Not in the heat of anger but ever so casually, like a mention of the weather.
    I was young, lonely, weak and scared
    I wanted comfort and none was there
    Now I sit and write and wonder if the thought of you is worth my time..
    You never said sorry or that you were lying, surely because you weren't.
    Those commercials must have polluted my mind
    I wish I could have come home from school and got a hug and a smile
    I wish someone cared.
    I wished, and wished, and realized no one was there.
    I cried myself to sleep all those nights long ago, which is thankfully nothing but the past..
    On a dark and lonely night, with all the pain given to the young and innocent, and all the evil in the world, I wonder why I even bother?
    Sometimes I still wish that I had a mother.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am glad you were able to share your pain here with us.
    You have written it so well in poem I wish you never had to hear such word felt such pain.
    Some people were never meant to be mothers she was one
    Keep writing okay as i know it does help to release such deep pain take care of YOU okay
    YOu are not worthless you are very special and never let anyone tell you differently.
  3. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the response =)
    You're right, writing helps me get the things that have been haunting me off my chest. And the part of my poem that really sums everything up for me is "You don't know how much it hurt/When you let me know how much you thought I was worth/I was never perfect, that is true/But I could never be heartless like you"; Thanks for the support I appreciate it, I always seem to get down around the winter holidays, when most people seem to be having a blast with their family/friends and I'm left alone with my thoughts, but I'll be alright, thankfully I've picked myself up out of a deep depression and now I just have times where I get sad and stressed out. You said to take care of myself and I hope you're taking care of yourself also, I know I'm not the only one who has a tough time around Christmas time and I'll be praying for the people on this forum.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2010
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ihope you have support over the holiday season We are here if you ever need to just talk Lots of people come here over the holidays because they too are alone. I am glad you have had the strength to pull out of depression That is a hard thing to do on your own. I hope you have a therapist to help you work through all that pain and sadness. It does help. Your poetry will help others as well they will know they are not alone in their struggles