I just looked into suicide methods. I wish I could explain everything I feel but it's so long. I have a prefered method, but it can lead to blindness and/or being paralysed. With my luck I'm sure that would happen. What I do know is I cannot take things anymore. I'm too overwhelmed. The crisis line is tired of me calling. They're supportive, but of course suggest counselling or a friend, too bad I don't have any friends. All the things I cared about are out the windows. I have no reason to live. I don't see how things will ever get better and the classic, no one would miss me if I was gone. It seems in order to get away from my pain this is the thing to do. I hate fighting, hoping things will get better only for me to see that light at the end of the tunnel and then the tunnel collapse. I feel I have no more to give.