I hear, see and read all this shit about stalked victims, how they were scared..etc. I never see anything about the stalkers, no sympathy, nothing, except a lot of hate and "stay the fuck away from him/her, you creep" I was a stalker, and I had issues. Why couldn't people understand, why do they always look at the negative side, at the victim's side. I'm a victim too, a victim of this shitty life I live. Nobody seem to care, even when I got help..for a while, all they want to do is get ride of people like me. I feel so sad when I'm writing another suicide note that I'm never going to use. I keep telling myself, one day, I'm going to go through with it. But that day never comes, I chicken out every time half way through. Especially right now, I hear everyone on facebook have jobs, and I don't, I've been trying for the last 2 weeks. I feel like such a fucking failure. And same with my school, I was hoping to get at least 3.5 or over, but I got a 3.2, its out of 4.0 GPA. I feel so dumb, everyone I talk to on MSN have 3.8, 3.74, 3.6...GPA, and I only have a 3.2. Why am I so far off from them no matter how hard I try. I wish I were more like them, their lives are so much better than mine, better GPA, at least they have a job right now. Nobody need me, and I don't see a future where I share it with anyone, I got nothing to lose, why can't I just die. I don't want to face those people, those old classmates, who are so much better than me in every way. I don't want them to say, 'oh, you still don't have any friends, lol" I don't want to bump into anyone from my old high school, I don't want to see the girl I stalked, whom I still think about once in a while, whom I told everything to, hoping she would understand. But no, she's like the rest of them, they all want to get ride of me, they all want to hurt inme back. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong, why did they all acted like this? I should've died when I had the chance, when I was just born, I was in the hospital for life threatening problems. If only my parents didn't save me from eternal life of resting in peace, instead they gave me this life, "precious" life. They love me, and I love them too. I don't like showing it, because I would burst into tears if I do, I mean sad kind of tears. I don't know why, maybe its an automatic reaction of some sort. Maybe its because I don't believe in this thing we call love, other than the love I suppose to felt from my parents, I have nothing else, except headaches and chest pains. I think I'll just cut myself for a while, it might help for a while.