Not sure why I am writing this maybe so it will documented why I am so tired of living this life. I have tried and tried to stay strong and keep moving. Over the years I have fought depression with a smile on my face pretending I can handle everything. Rape (never told anyone) and poverty as adolescent made it to college worked hard even though I barely had food some months. Graduated got a job move to DC to only live check to check barely making it thought I was going to be ok then my father dies of cancer. He was 58 & I pretended I handled it well. I pretended I was ok when the doctors said it will be hard for you to have children. My bestie and love of my life (met him at 14) Brian kept me going through the years he was my rock...only one that made this life sweet. He committed suicide in 2014 & my world went flat & black that day...never knew that kind of pain even existed. The only 2 menI love most in this world were gone I went into a bad depression, so I decided that I need to do something drastic. I said I would move to Atlanta closer to my family so I wouldn't be so alone all the time. During my depression I jacked up my credit but kept my job. It's been hard to find a safe place to live. So now I am here in Atl trying to rebuild a life without him even though everyday all I want is to see is Brian's face. I amtrying to sublet an apartment only to find out something has happened with the original owner & I am about be put out probably this week. This life gives you no breaks. I am tired and doing this life seems pointless.