About to be Homeless & going to call it quits

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ses414, Jul 26, 2015.

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  1. ses414

    ses414 New Member

    Not sure why I am writing this maybe so it will documented why I am so tired of living this life. I have tried and tried to stay strong and keep moving. Over the years I have fought depression with a smile on my face pretending I can handle everything. Rape (never told anyone) and poverty as adolescent made it to college worked hard even though I barely had food some months. Graduated got a job move to DC to only live check to check barely making it thought I was going to be ok then my father dies of cancer. He was 58 & I pretended I handled it well. I pretended I was ok when the doctors said it will be hard for you to have children. My bestie and love of my life (met him at 14) Brian kept me going through the years he was my rock...only one that made this life sweet. He committed suicide in 2014 & my world went flat & black that day...never knew that kind of pain even existed. The only 2 menI love most in this world were gone I went into a bad depression, so I decided that I need to do something drastic. I said I would move to Atlanta closer to my family so I wouldn't be so alone all the time. During my depression I jacked up my credit but kept my job. It's been hard to find a safe place to live. So now I am here in Atl trying to rebuild a life without him even though everyday all I want is to see is Brian's face. I amtrying to sublet an apartment only to find out something has happened with the original owner & I am about be put out probably this week. This life gives you no breaks. I am tired and doing this life seems pointless.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to SF. I am so sorry for your losses and what you are going through. Have you had any counselling following your losses? It would be a good idea if you haven't already been. Is moving in with family an option for you right now? Sorry everything seems to go one after another blow but there are good people in the world still and people willing to help. I hope you can get through this difficult time.
     
  3. ses414

    ses414 New Member

    Thanks for replying. Nope family not an option...my mother lives in retirement community. Sibilings have there own lives, kids & problems. It's just me trying to make it at least I have a job that I now hate because they treat me so bad but can't quit cause I am buried alive in student loan debt. I had counseling for my father only helped a little & some for my love..buy the thoughts & pain were to hard to share. I am a real life zombie pretending I am alive. I am trying to hold on to the parts of me that want to stay but it's so few now.
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    If you were capable of subletting an apartment, you can keep looking and find a place. Heck, Craigslist is full of people who have empty rooms and have room to rent cheap. That's another option


    And yes I am sorry for the major losses in your life.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm not sure what else to suggest, i'm not located in the US so no sure how things fare out there but I am here if you need support and someone to chat with, I genuinely hope things start to improve for you, I think you should give counselling another try, it just might be worth that extra effort :) x
     
  6. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Have you tried talking to your siblings about, possibly they could just let you coach surf until something comes up.
     
  7. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I'm extremely sorry about your situation; my dad died when I was 17 so I can relate on that front :( However, you can always look into Craigslist for a room to rent or even try couchsurfing.com. Hitting rock-bottom isn't always the end-so long as you're still breathing and refuse to give up, you CAN have something good happen to you.
     
  8. ses414

    ses414 New Member

    Thanks everyone for your support & suggestions. I found this sublease on CL & the owner has basically ran off with my money close to 2k & left me in apartment that is being evicted. My siblings are not that much of a help one of them is just waiting on me to fail..her lifelong dream cause they never wanted me around for real. I am out of money & luck but thanks for your support.
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Ugh! Thats horrible. You can take that person to court but for now focus on a room to rent it much cheaper and you can find your own place once you get your savings back up. Where I live I see rooms for rent for 250-700 with utilities included as many of those have people living in a big house alone and it is sensible forbthem to make up for the empty spaces.

    Dont let that person ruin your chances of finding your own place.
     
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