About to become a year older...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by josephMerrick, Nov 8, 2010.

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  1. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    ... and i'm still alone. Still a virgin.

    A few weeks from now, i'll be 37. People less than half my age have progressed socially and i can't even work up the courage to ask a girl out.

    I just found out that a girl i liked (a coworker) just met a guy and they're hitting it off. I'm happy for her. That guy asked her out and he wins. I lose as usual. I really liked her.

    I wouldn't have won anyway.

    Besides my family, people don't seem to care about me. No matter. What they don't know is that i care about myself even less.

    I keep telling myself my time will come but i have to be realistic. I guess it's best that i remain alone. Why would i want to put any girl through the absolute hell of knowing me?

    I don't know why i post such things and bother everyone here.

    ... i'm sorry i'm a bother.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you're not a bother Joseph...
    hey don't give up...you sound really quite shy?
    I have a cousin who met the girl of his dreams in his 50s..he's happy.

    have you ever thought of doing a course in self esteem and/or assertiveness?
    or get some therapy to learn how to like yourself more?
    I did a course in self esteem once and now have a counselor teaching me to be more assertive and some life coping strategies...it really helps..
    I believe there is a girl out there waiting somewhere for you to pluck up the courage to meet her..
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like getting some therapy to help you with your self-esteem would help a lot. It's hard to make a relationship work if you don't have any love for yourself.

    I think that you may be a much better person than you realize, and that girls might like you better than you think.

    I've heard that there is something called sexual surrogacy, where you have sex with someone to help you work on your ability to have relationships.

    I don't think it's available in every state, and I don't know under what circumstances it is allowed.
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Well friend there is only one thing you can do, and that is change this unproductive way of living. I know that rejection or the fear of rejection can be a hard thing to overcome, but you can never claim to know how things will pan out. You have to make a move and take a chance. Also trust that you do have something to offer someone. IF you are not happy with what that is now. As you said.."hell"...that can be resolved as well. Do some soul searching, and focus on you. Why do you hate yourself so much? I know that you can be the person you want to be. Sex is not important! It is cheap if it is not done in love. Lust is a sad substitute friend I should know. I applaud you for being a virgin! We as a people often give ourselves away at the first opportunity and sell ourselves short. Meaning we give the wrong impressions that sex is all that we are worth. Then people wonder why marriages fail when the sex life fails. We are all worht more than that. We ar all thinking and livivng individuals that love, care, and thrive on and in life as best as we can. Life is confusing, and we work with what we know. Confidence comes from knowing who we are, what we have to offer, and what we want out of life. And men and women alike know that it is LOVE! So when you look at a woman that you would like to get to know, walk uo to her and ask her out. Say, " I would like to get to know you better, would you like to go out for dinner?" That is the whole point of a date. To see if you share anything in common. To get a feel of what type of person you are looking for. And I would not worry about dates that don't pan out! You have to go through many to figure out what type of mate you want to be with forever.
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Whoa I am a butter finger tonight! Laughs! Sorry for the many typo's. All I do know is that you will never know until you do something different. There is a woman out there just for you. Never give up hope! Blessings..
  6. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    I can appreciate everyone trying to cheer me up saying sex isn't important or that being over 35 and still inexperienced is just one of those hurdles in life... but it just feels so difficult to overcome. Being shy at 16 might be acceptable but at over 36, it's... well, I don't know what it is. Besides, I'm far from being the best looking person in the world.

    I envy those guys who can simply walk up to someone and close the deal (so to speak). If I never worked on that skill in my teens, I'm not going to develop them in a month. At this rate, I'll be close to 60 before I get anywhere.

    I'm not sure if it's worth it. I'm not sure if i'm worth it.

    Like it or not, part of my self worth seems anchored to others' acceptance of me. I can't shake it. I don't think a doctor will help. It'll be a waste of their time and mine.

    There's just something not appealing about me, I guess. But as I age and stagnate I'm not sure I'm willing to wait much longer to find out what that is and fix it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2010
  7. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    You have to get over your fear of rejection and at the end of the day feel confident about yourself.

    I know being lonely does really suck but you can't look to others for approval or acceptance in order to be happy. Don't take rejection personal.

    I'm certainly not the best looking guy myself you don't have to be to be attractive to someone. Something that's good at triggering the emotion of attraction in women is a cocky and funny attitude. Sort of like the I just can't believe you said that look and then they punch you on the shoulder.

    Are you successful in your career or in other areas of your life try to be positive about those areas and not just focus on the areas when you're not so good at. It will help you be more confident which is more important when it comes to attraction then just having good looks. Sure good looks are what initially draws you to someone but there's so much more to it then that.

    Another technique is writing down everything you don't like about yourself and going over it and just totally accepting what you can't change once you do that it's almost certain you'll feel better about yourself.

    You could possibly try internet dating sites like eharmony on plentyoffish although I've done a lot of that in the past and had some bad experiences, that's not to say there aren't some good people on there because I'm sure there are.

    As hard as it is try to me more positive tell yourself you deserve someone amazing who will love you for who you are. There is a lucky girl out there who you can treat like a queen who cherish every second of time they spend with you.

  8. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    You better cheer up and walks out from this nightmare youre in.... You know we all have our, both small, then bigger, problems in life and you should know you are not the one and only with this problem, best way to overcome is to let it go then thinking that you are like anyone else looking for cute and beautiful chicks cause you Are worth it.

    Sex isn't it when flirting you should remember, if not so it's HER fault not yours, ok? Self-esteem sounds hard to get it out going just like it would but you could be training at home in front of the mirror or something if you sounds insecure (I mean what to say.).

    Joseph, maybe you could updating this thread however it goes..? I'm just curious
  9. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    You're not a bother.
    I'm 31 and haven't had intercourse before but I'm pretty sure I got something from a guy- doing something to me. Atleast you don't have my problem. No guy will ever want me now. I'm just trash now. I'll never find out what actual sex is like. Be glad you never got anything from a girl.
  10. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Hey, wait... what's the matter??? What happened?? You are not trash and so are not anyone, we all need love no matter how we look or what problems we're beating... I think we should talk about it instead.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm turning 30 in January and I'm still a virgin, and there's no shame in that. There's nothing wrong with going against the norm. We're trend setters dammit. :laugh:
  12. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    just 3 more years and you can be the real 40 year old virgin : ). hope you have better luck finding the woman. you must be feeling terrible. i'd feel terrible, nearing midlife krysis and without girlfriend. i dont think i can cope with that, heh. being a virgin isn't a big deal though. though i hope i experience sex before i turn 30 in 5 years, well, soon 4 :/.
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Keep waiting for the right girl/guy. No sense in giving it up to just anyone.
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