I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling and hurting a lot right now. Please don't do anything to yourself. I genuinely understand how much easier that is said than done, but you can get through this. I know that you are terrified about what happens when your attacker gets out, but this is why you need to reach out for support, and talk to mental health professions, talk to the probation team, tell them your concerns. No one can offer you the support you need and deserve if they are unaware of the level of support you need. People care about you, on here, and in real life. Death seems the best option doesn't it. But it's not. The best option is to keep fighting, keep talking, BEAT this. Beat HIM. You have got through this much, and I get that it wasn't easy, it still isn't easy, but that PROVES your strength. And it shows me that you have the inner strength to keep going. Even when everything seems pointless, when everything hurts, when you feel you can't go on, you can. But you can't be expected to do so on your own. Sometimes, talking feels pointless, but at least it means you aren't alone. People are here because they care. And I really am not trying to guilt you, but sometimes the only thing that can keep us fighting is by thinking of those who we love, and who love us. I think you need to go to the hospital, or at the very least ring a crisis line, and if they are busy, keep ringing. Until then keep talking to people on here, and we will do our best to keep you as safe as we can, to support you to the best of our capabilities. You matter. Don't give up. I really think things can get better for you, but it just needs time. And it's going to be hard, but it will be so worth it, and I think it will be a bit easier once you receive the adequate support.
i agree with lostbutnotfound. i dont read many posts on here as so many are triggering for me so i tend to just stay in the back ground and come for advice when needed. But i can honestly say if this guy attacked you I truley know how you feel. When the guy who attacked me was inside i seriously wanted to dissappear before he came out. even wanted to move and swap kids schools and everything. I talked to my family and my doctor and the police and they understood how i felt and protection was put into place, support was offered and even though its 7 years since his release i know its still there if i need it. reach out to people,, it really does help.
If he has said that to you, that's what you need to tell the probation team. And I know you feel as though you have no fight left, but that is why you need to talk to the mental health professionals and explain to them what is going on for you. No wonder you feel a lack of strength if you are left to cope with this alone. Please keep talking here too, lets keep you safe for tonight. If you can, ring up a crisis line or go to the hospital, if you think you are going to harm yourself