About to kill myself, help me please.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ForgottenCassie, Oct 13, 2011.

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  1. ForgottenCassie

    ForgottenCassie New Member

    Well I just found this site while looking for methods, Im hoping this is advice and what-not?
    Im 16, and basically I need help, I cant fully explain this.
    Just briefly I'll try; Two years ago I was raped and still to this day Ive told noone and ALSO to this day I can't open up or tell people personal things its like phsically impossible for me.
    Ever since then Ive lost everything, Im losing my good school marks, social anxiety so I have no close friends anymore, Ive gotten an ED, lost my humour, JUST EVERYTHING. I'm such a waste.

    Now my family; we've always been broke pretty much, (also affected me with friends), 14 year old sister smokes/cuts/drinks/swears/is absolutely horrible to me and everyone, my mother is depressed and has threatened to kill herself, my dad is the only stable one. But heres the funny part, TO EVERYONE ELSE I'm stable. Because I cant f*cking open up, I dont think anyone cares and theres too much problems in my family to pile any more on.
    But recently Ive been bullied at school, and things this girl said brought back memories of being raped and I think Im breaking down. I cant stop crying, but Im not even making sound?
    ANYWAY, I dont know how to talk to someone (a counseller, at the hospital??) because if i dont I know I will crack and just kill myself, Im at the edge. BUT I cant tell my parents.
    Thanks, if anyone responds..
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You'll find a lot of advice on this site, except it is all on everyone willing to listen and help you deal, not on actual methods (thankfully).
    Sorry for what has happened to you, but why is it you feel you cannot tell your parents about everything?
    I've found from experience and things I have heard others say, that everything in life always spirals downward when you keep everything to yourself, so even if you can't talk to your parents a social worker or councellor, unloading your burdons here like you have done is a great first to self mending!
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Cassie)) we do not tell methods how to end it all on here.. reason is we all really do not want anyone to kill themselves..

    know it is going to be really hard but speaking from personal experiences you need some professional help now.. a person with some experiences in sexual abuses.. am not saying this lightly at all. you have been carrying a lot of hurt for way too long all on your own..

    you want to let this out as posting here says that clearly.. hard to start with a therapist but starting is the obstacle.. think you maybe suprised that once you start it all just keeps coming out to them..

    take care and best wishes to you.. Jim
  4. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Hi Cassie, being introvert does not help indeed. Go see your familie doctor tell him what is going on and go from there. He/She will advise you on where to find someone to talk to and what your possebilities are
  5. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I know it seems hopeless, Cassie, but you lucked out. You found a whole community of people just like you, who will listen and understand. Opening up here, where you know you wont be judged or seen as more to worry with is good practice for when you are ready to open up to someone with the power to help you. Of course, the sooner you get help the better, but this is a very good start, take your time and live day to day knowing we are here for you. Eventually it will be easier to talk to someone face to face, even if you just start out with a school counselor.
    If you ever need a chat, PM me.
  6. LFW

    LFW Member


    I'm sorry you're not feeling good. You were handed a very rough hand of cards at such a young age, and you have dealt with that hand of cards with such grace and dignity. You need to be commended for that.

    Hang in there. You are important. You can let your voice be heard out here. Life can get better, even when it seem hopeless at times.
  7. csmitty

    csmitty New Member

    That sounds rough. I would find someone to talk to about this. A psychologist or a counselor. Don't keep it all in or it will come out in bad ways. I always tried to be the strong one in my family, too. Kept everything in. And it came out in really bad ways when I was older and had a lot to lose. Looking back, I wish I had talked to someone.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, ForgottenCassie. I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened and that you are having a hard time. :hug: One way you might find a really good counsellor is to call a rape crisis line - they will know of local counsellors who deal with the issue on a regular basis.

    In the meantime, I'm glad you have joined SF. There are many members who can relate and offer an empathetic ear. Please do not hurt yourself. You're already a survivor and obviously strong - so keep up the good work. :)
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