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About to Snap

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by curlyq, Oct 11, 2016.

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  1. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Hi all,
    Are there others on here who appear on the outside to be functioning normally, but are actually about to snap? That's how I feel. I'm in school and I work, and I'm still able to get up each day and do well at each. But I feel like I'm really just faking it; my depression has gotten worse and worse over the past year to the point where I just want to end it. I feel like I'm lying to everyone because I get through every day and manage to take care of my responsibilities, but inside I'm crumbling. I just want to die so I don't feel this way anymore.
    Thank you.
    DarthBrett likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes, I know what you mean. I go to work and uni and I try to stay involved in clubs. On the outside I look fine.

    Hugs. Are you seeing a professional?
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I'm sorry you're crumbling...when I was working many years ago, I was also going to school at night, I was superwoman, but I was headed for a terrible burnout. The years after that were intolerable, in hindsight, I would have done a lot differently, but that's too easy to say now...I hope that you are in therapy?
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @curlyq welcome to the forum. We are here for anyone who is hurting. I am sorry you are feeling so down and depressed. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Please keep in mind that whilst appearing to have it all a lot of people aren't and are faking the smiles and the laughs, deep inside hurting like hell. I think you should seek professional help and advice, you need to, please don't snap and get the help you really deserve and need. I wish you the best of luck.
  5. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Thank you for the kind words, everyonel!
    Petal, I'm 21 and in grad school. Thank you all for the support, I actually saw a counselor for several months last spring and am going to see a new one tomorrow so hopefully we get on well. I almost feel guilty to go and take up a counselor's time because honestly I don't have any enormous problems. Like, I see people posting on here who are going through such difficult times with their families and relationships and such, and it amazes me how strong everyone is, because objectively my life is pretty great and yet I still can't manage to be happy. I hate myself for not being able to appreciate all the good things that I have going.
  6. DarthBrett

    DarthBrett Lone warrior against his demons

    Yes, I've been described as high functioning on the outside but am suffering crushing anxiety and depression on the inside, the only one who can really tell is my wife. You are not alone in this, please if I can help let me know!
    Take care!
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