About to snap

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mistwalk, Apr 3, 2011.

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  1. Mistwalk

    Mistwalk New Member

    I'm getting tired of my life...For the last 2 years I've been chronically suicidal. I've gotten to the point where inflicting pain on myself is not enough and I want to cut the final string.
    My mother says I'm useless even when I mess up a simple thing,She saw what I got on the SATs and now she's screaming at me for not getting a higher grade,But I can barely study nor do I have the motivation like I used to to make good grades,I can't talk to anyone in my family, all they say is "You're being xxx Michelle."or "Stop being emo"So I gave up expressing my feelings long ago.
    I barely have friends,Because I don't trust anyone,I often get picked on because of it.

    I think I need someone to talk to.
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hi michelle,
    first of all, welcome to the forums!
    i can very much relate to this. is there anything worse than being called emo when confiding in someone you thought you could trust? i gave up expressing myself in real life as well, even feel silly for telling a therapist.
    i hope you will find this site helpful and find people to talk to that are feeling the same way. i made some great friends on here.
    one more time, welcome :arms:
  3. meeko1004

    meeko1004 Well-Known Member

    Hey Michelle,

    First of all, can I just say that most of us depressed peeps start not doing so well at work or school - for a lot of us, even the simplest day to day tasks become difficult. Rather than some coincidence that we're all lazy screw-ups, it seems more likely that depression is a very debilitating disease. So please don't think that you're useless/inadequate or that you're a failure. You are not. Depression is a monster of a disease and even the best of people would struggle to even continue breathing if they had it.

    Girl, I totally hear you on the absolute absence of motivation. There are days - or even weeks - when I'm too scared to get out of bed and even brushing my teeth becomes this impossibly difficult task.

    I'm sorry that your family is not giving you the support you need and deserve. I hope you can find someone else who you can trust and talk to - perhaps a counselor or teacher?
    By the way, I'm on this forum almost obsessively, so feel free to PM me and we can talk:)

    It gets better, I promise. I know that most of the time it feels differently and it's hard to argue with your emotions. But that's why we're here to remind each other that life does get better, and to keep each other company on our road to recovery/fight for survival.

  4. Mistwalk

    Mistwalk New Member

    Thank you Silence and Grace,
    I'm glad I can talk to people that won't just straight out call me emo or some sort of derivative of that. I guess I can relate to everyone here,And I really hope it helps me and I could help someone else.
    I don't want to go to a teacher or a counselor because most of the time they call parents or the police,because of child abuse protocol...I'm scared my parents are going to get mad at me,And they are going to send me to a doctor.
    I guess I need a doctor or medicine, But my mother is harsh with health foods and disagrees with medication.
  5. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    well healthy food will never cure depression. i know lots of parents want to disavow that theres a problem and dont want to blame themself. and if they downplay it, its most likely bc they dont understand it and dont want to believe it was their fault.
    if you tell a teacher about how your depressed they wont call police, unless theres violence in your family.
    going to a doctor wouldnt be a bad thing though. therapy can make things alot better
  6. meeko1004

    meeko1004 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're here, Michelle. And I hope you can find the support you deserve here too.
    If you can't talk to a counselor, just keep posting on here.
    A lot of counselors have strict rules of confidentiality though, where they can't tell your parents anything unless you become a danger to yourself (a.k.a. you resolve to kill yourself).
    I'm so sorry your mom doesn't understand where you're at. A lot of the times, people can't really understand something unless they experience it for themselves.

    Yes, medication does help - or so I hear *dry chuckle*.
    I've been on Zoloft since October and I'm still feeling a little pessimistic about how effective it's been.
    But a good psychiatrist will be able to help you, since he/she has had experience with many desperate students who have been in your shoes.

    Whatever the case, it's a good sign that you're looking for help.
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