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Absolutely Desperate

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#1
My background is that I am an only child, I have no kids, my parents, grandparents and best friend are all dead. I am living 260 miles away from where is was born and I hate it. Now the story. I am 58 and have been living where I am now for 15 years. The rented house I live in is in my 'partners' name. Although he tried to have me added the Housing Association wouldn't allow it. I am Bipolar and unfit to work because I am unreliable. The man I live with is cold and uncommunicative. I know now that I should never have moved in with him but I thought it would be ok. When I met him I had been on my own 4 years since my husband had gone out the front door one day and just 'disappeared'. I had a house to sell and I had options. 15 years on I have no money, no job, no family left and he has told me to move out. I have until September. I have no idea what to do. The best place for me to go would be Liverpool but I have been away from there for 30 years. I would also have trouble finding anywhere to live because of where I am now and no way of paying rent. He has got the house, 3 grown up kids. his parents and a brother and sister. I see no option other than to take my own life. I am too tired to start over and mentally not well or strong enough. The thought of spending the rest of my life alone is horrifying. I know I could apply for help but again the thought of the paper work and the having to deal with DPW makes me want to curl up and stay there forever. I know there is only one option but I don't want to get it wrong. <mod edit - method>
 
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#2
Please don't. I am at the edge myself but reading the story of someone else helps put things into perspective. If you ever want to talk I will gladly talk after being stuck in the same situation myself.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Hello @benji2828 , please don't do anything to yourself. There could be things you've not thought of. Have you told your local authority you're threatened with homelessness as a vulnerable person ?

SHELTER, the homeless charity are very good and can sometimes assign a caseworker to advocate on your behalf and give you personal support. Local authorities have housing support officers as well who can help you with other things like benefits too.

https://www.shelter.org.uk
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#4
Hello and welcome to SF. I'm sorry you've found yourself in such deep despair today. I do see how the hopelessness of that feels really overwhelming. Have you sought some outside resources for housing and financial help?
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#5
It sounds as though you have other options, but you aren’t motivated to make them happen. Liverpool sounds like a goal you should strive for, and although you are bipolar, I’m sure there’s a job you could do if you looked. What skills do you have?
 
#6
You are all so kind but I really have had enough. I've just been thinking that there must be something so horrible about me that everyone leaves and I don't even know what it is. I am polite and welcoming. I'm kind and a good listener. I'm intelligent and witty. I am sarcastic at times and a bit of a wind up merchant but only as a joke. What am I missing? I am living in a house where I am treading on eggshells. I stay in my room most of the time. If I go downstairs to get a coffee and he is in there I stand to one side in the doorway until he leaves the kitchen. He isn't violent but his contempt is palpable. I feel like dirt. Utter, useless, unworthy dirt. Cast out now have no money. He's not a womaniser and goes nowhere so I know it's because I am so unlovable. This isn't living and I know it won't get any better. How can it? No family, no home, no money, no support. You're right I have lost my motivation and the will to live. I just want advice and how to do it. Please help me with advice if you can. I have made up my mind
 

agateaqua

Well-Known Member
#7
Your ex sounds like my ex (narcisstic) . Please read about it online if you haven't already. I always had to walk on eggshells to avoid the next blowup (which was always my fault! ). Please realize it's not you , it really is him! You deserve better ,and need to seek help immediately. When he's out , leave, pack your bags and head for a shelter, not necessarily the nearest (as he may seek you out there). They will help you , there is help for abused women, but you have to seek it and HAVE A PLAN! Pm me if you need it :)
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
Hi @benji2828 It's understandable to be depressed when people have left you. We won't help you take your life, but we will give you support. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#9
Hello and good to see you here. As others point out this is a fine place to seek support because you do deserve better in your life.
 
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