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Absolutely Desperate

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My background is that I am an only child, I have no kids, my parents, grandparents and best friend are all dead. I am living 260 miles away from where is was born and I hate it. Now the story. I am 58 and have been living where I am now for 15 years. The rented house I live in is in my 'partners' name. Although he tried to have me added the Housing Association wouldn't allow it. I am Bipolar and unfit to work because I am unreliable. The man I live with is cold and uncommunicative. I know now that I should never have moved in with him but I thought it would be ok. When I met him I had been on my own 4 years since my husband had gone out the front door one day and just 'disappeared'. I had a house to sell and I had options. 15 years on I have no money, no job, no family left and he has told me to move out. I have until September. I have no idea what to do. The best place for me to go would be Liverpool but I have been away from there for 30 years. I would also have trouble finding anywhere to live because of where I am now and no way of paying rent. He has got the house, 3 grown up kids. his parents and a brother and sister. I see no option other than to take my own life. I am too tired to start over and mentally not well or strong enough. The thought of spending the rest of my life alone is horrifying. I know I could apply for help but again the thought of the paper work and the having to deal with DPW makes me want to curl up and stay there forever. I know there is only one option but I don't want to get it wrong. <mod edit - method>
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Please don't. I am at the edge myself but reading the story of someone else helps put things into perspective. If you ever want to talk I will gladly talk after being stuck in the same situation myself.


Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Hello @benji2828 , please don't do anything to yourself. There could be things you've not thought of. Have you told your local authority you're threatened with homelessness as a vulnerable person ?

SHELTER, the homeless charity are very good and can sometimes assign a caseworker to advocate on your behalf and give you personal support. Local authorities have housing support officers as well who can help you with other things like benefits too.



SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
Hello and welcome to SF. I'm sorry you've found yourself in such deep despair today. I do see how the hopelessness of that feels really overwhelming. Have you sought some outside resources for housing and financial help?


Ninja of light
It sounds as though you have other options, but you aren’t motivated to make them happen. Liverpool sounds like a goal you should strive for, and although you are bipolar, I’m sure there’s a job you could do if you looked. What skills do you have?
You are all so kind but I really have had enough. I've just been thinking that there must be something so horrible about me that everyone leaves and I don't even know what it is. I am polite and welcoming. I'm kind and a good listener. I'm intelligent and witty. I am sarcastic at times and a bit of a wind up merchant but only as a joke. What am I missing? I am living in a house where I am treading on eggshells. I stay in my room most of the time. If I go downstairs to get a coffee and he is in there I stand to one side in the doorway until he leaves the kitchen. He isn't violent but his contempt is palpable. I feel like dirt. Utter, useless, unworthy dirt. Cast out now have no money. He's not a womaniser and goes nowhere so I know it's because I am so unlovable. This isn't living and I know it won't get any better. How can it? No family, no home, no money, no support. You're right I have lost my motivation and the will to live. I just want advice and how to do it. Please help me with advice if you can. I have made up my mind


Well-Known Member
Your ex sounds like my ex (narcisstic) . Please read about it online if you haven't already. I always had to walk on eggshells to avoid the next blowup (which was always my fault! ). Please realize it's not you , it really is him! You deserve better ,and need to seek help immediately. When he's out , leave, pack your bags and head for a shelter, not necessarily the nearest (as he may seek you out there). They will help you , there is help for abused women, but you have to seek it and HAVE A PLAN! Pm me if you need it :)


1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Hi @benji2828 It's understandable to be depressed when people have left you. We won't help you take your life, but we will give you support. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.


Kangaroo Manager
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SF Supporter
Hello and good to see you here. As others point out this is a fine place to seek support because you do deserve better in your life.
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