The past 2 years of my life have been a complete waste of time and effort on my part and on the parts of those involved with my life. I cannot take it anymore. I have dealt with life shitting on me for to long. It has progressively gotten worse. At first I was just sad and a little down now it has escalated to me taking muscle relaxers to try to die. I have tried it twice and failed miserably both times. I have been committed to a psychiatric hospital, like that helped. I am tired of trying to please everyone. It's to f***ing hard to do. All I do is help people all the time and they shit on me in return. I have done my best to lead a decent life and be the person I thought I ought to, but no it obviously hasn't worked. I used to enjoy doing all sorts of stuff, in particular listening to music. Music used to be my get away. I could be in a pissy mood or down and go into my room and plug in the head phones and get lost for hours, now I do nothing but work and sleep all damned day. It just isn't worth me being alive. I no longer feel I serve a purpose on this earth, except to have people shit on my and mistake my kindness for weakness. My family has rejected me most of my friends have as well. I cannot remember the last time I felt like I had hope in my life. I am through with my life. It is difficult to breathe, much less walk and talk to people. I just do not see a reason to live anymore. I am going to give myself a week to feel better or at least start to feel better if I can't manage that then I am going to shoot myself. I am pretty sure, even I cannot f*** that much up.