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Absolutely Finished

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GratefulStranger, Aug 13, 2007.

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  1. GratefulStranger

    GratefulStranger New Member

    The past 2 years of my life have been a complete waste of time and effort on my part and on the parts of those involved with my life. I cannot take it anymore. I have dealt with life shitting on me for to long. It has progressively gotten worse. At first I was just sad and a little down now it has escalated to me taking muscle relaxers to try to die. I have tried it twice and failed miserably both times. I have been committed to a psychiatric hospital, like that helped. I am tired of trying to please everyone. It's to f***ing hard to do. All I do is help people all the time and they shit on me in return. I have done my best to lead a decent life and be the person I thought I ought to, but no it obviously hasn't worked. I used to enjoy doing all sorts of stuff, in particular listening to music. Music used to be my get away. I could be in a pissy mood or down and go into my room and plug in the head phones and get lost for hours, now I do nothing but work and sleep all damned day. It just isn't worth me being alive. I no longer feel I serve a purpose on this earth, except to have people shit on my and mistake my kindness for weakness. My family has rejected me most of my friends have as well. I cannot remember the last time I felt like I had hope in my life. I am through with my life. It is difficult to breathe, much less walk and talk to people. I just do not see a reason to live anymore. I am going to give myself a week to feel better or at least start to feel better if I can't manage that then I am going to shoot myself. I am pretty sure, even I cannot f*** that much up.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I totally understand this, it's how I feel. Im nice to everyone but people just abuse this and it ends up in heartache for me. I can not trust people anymore and im paranoid all the time.
    I'll PM you :)
  3. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Perhaps it's time to stop being the person you "ought" to be, but the person you want to be. Perhaps it's time to stop helping others, not until you've helped yourself.
  4. GratefulStranger

    GratefulStranger New Member

    Thats a good idea. I just feel like people expect so much of me and I always let them down. I am just tired of it. Hell I have been what everyone else wants me to be for so long that I do not how to be the person I want to be. I would really like to be happy and in the kind of lifestyle that I want to be in. I just do not know how to make myself happy. I have been depressed and suicidal for so long that I can't remember how to be happy. It really sucks.
  5. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    Finding real happiness can be a difficult effort. I gave up on trying to find my happiness because i don't think I deserve it. I can't remember either what it's like to be truly happy or if it even exists. Perhaps you should just look into yourself and find something that you enjoy and do it. No matter what people say. No matter what.
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