IDK... my mom always said not to talk to strangers!!
I am very depressed. In a state of depression might fit me better, actually.
I have no one to really talk to. I am supposed to be this strong woman. I have this great family with an amazing husband and 2 gorgeous children. I have a very important job, where a lot of people rely on me being successful everyday. I am married to a board member of the church. My children are amazing. We look so perfect and pretty from the outside.
Inside I am falling apart. I was ready to blow the back of my head clear off yesterday. I am done living a lie day after day. I smile and put up my "everything is ok, life is wonderful" front to everyone I come in contact with. But inside, I am dead. I do not want to go on living like this anymore.
It sounds like you really need help. There are three ways for you to reach out for help. With your suicidal thoughts so strong you might want to go to the ER. If you think you can resist the thoughts then immediately get an appointment with a psychiatrist to see if medication can help you. It sometimes takes a while to get in to see a psychiatrist (pdoc) the first time so I would also get an appointment with a therapist/psychologist/social worker (tdoc) for therapy. The support you can get from a tdoc can be amazing. Reach out. Get help.
If your life is that great, yet your that depressed, maybe the issue is a chemical inbalance, you might just need the right medication to feel better. And if your tired, not just from being depressed, maybe there is a health issue going on that is causing that. IDK. Just guessing here really. That's all I can do. You should see a doctor about it, so they can find out what is wrong.