Absolutely no interest in living anymore......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 9426, Oct 11, 2013.

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  1. 9426

    9426 Member

    I think it's time for me to go. I'm a 20 year old guy living in Toronto Canada and I can't find a job. I've been looking for 8 months with zero success. I've never had a girlfriend and probably never will because I'm a loser and too shy to ask anyone. Also girls for some reason don't seem to like black guys, which makes me feel even worse. To make matters worse, I'm short and fat (5'7 260) so no girl would ever want me. What else? My mom is a bitch and I can barely talk to her half the time. The only two people I actually like are my older brother, one friend, and social worker. I've also been hospitalized many times for severe depression, anxiety and other suicide attempts. My dad is a deadbeat who was never involved my life. I just can't go on any more.<edit mod total eclipse methods> Fuck this crappy life. I'm done.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2013
  2. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm around the same age, and I'm even shorter than you are. If you think girls don't like black guy you are very wrong. True, some don't but that doesn't mean every girls. It's hard to find a job and I live like the other part of the world I don't know what to say. I have a female friend and her bf is black. You will get a gf for sure you're still 20, it's a long road to go still.... Maybe if you don't like being overweight run a hour everday, it will help you get in shape.
  3. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry your life is rough right now. Mine, as well as everyone else's here, is, too, so you're not alone.

    I'd like to make some comments on what you've posted. I hope you don't mind and I hope this helps in some way...

    1) You're very young. You still have plenty of time left to make and enjoy an awesome life for yourself.

    2) I personally don't have much experience with jobs, but I'm sure you'll eventually get one if you keep looking. And if you just can't find one right now, it's not the end of the world. Just try again at another time. All you can do is try. And sure, having an income is great, but there's more to life than working/money.

    3) There's nothing wrong with the fact that you've never had a girlfriend. There are tons of people older than you who have never had someone. I know that doesn't do anything for your situation, but I'm just saying. Plus, if you ask me, it's not about having girlfriends/boyfriends, it's about having that one special person for you. Even if you don't find someone until you're 25, 30, whatever, as long as it's the right person, that you spend the rest of your life with, that's all that matters in the end.

    4) I know that I don't know you, but I do know that you're not a loser. Having problems and not being where you wanna be in life doesn't make you a loser, at all. And there's nothing wrong with being shy, either. Not only is that not really even a negative thing, but there are sooo many girls out there who actually prefer shy guys.

    5) Lots of girls like black guys. Maybe you just haven't met many who do, but they definitely do.

    6) There's nothing wrong with being short, and 5' 7" isn't even that short. I've known guys shorter than you who had no problems attracting girls. As for your weight, well that's no big issue since it can be lost. If it bothers you that much, just try eating a bit healthier and exercising some. But there are girls who would accept you even if you didn't lose weight.

    7) I can definitely relate to mom issues. My mom and I don't get along, we don't talk much, and she doesn't really care about me. I don't really have any advice on this one since I'm not sure of the right way to handle it, myself. I just basically ignore mine. I feel that if she doesn't care about me then why should I care about her?

    8) My dad has never been involved in my life, either. I know how you're feeling with your mom/dad issues as I'm in the same boat. We just have to accept that even though those are our parents, they're just not the right people for us. We need to focus on finding the right people for us, who will support us and care for us, instead of focusing on the negativity of the situation.
  4. 9426

    9426 Member

    Thanks, but I don't just don't know. The only 2 women who ever complemented me were prostitutes. I had 2 jobs before but I screwed them up because I'm useless. The first one I got fired from for working too slow and the second one I quit because I had a mental break down at the time. I go to prostitutes a lot because I'm too, shy, ugly, and fat to actually get a normal woman to sleep with me, let alone date me. I can't even go to prostitutes sometimes because some of them refuse to sleep with black guys, even the black ones. They never single out other men, only us. Why? That makes my already bad depression even worse. Anyways, I was bullied a lot as a child for having a lisp and acne and it still bothers me even today. I'm on welfare right now because it's impossible for me to find a job. I've had about 9 interviews since April but was never hired for some reason. I'm on 4 different medications because I've been diagnosed with Major depression, anxiety, OCD, and schizo-affective disorder and they don't seem to be doing much. I'm not sure anything will help my confidence. When I was 16 I was 140 pounds and had no acne and I was still depressed with low confidence, it's just gotten worse. Anyway, I just wanted to rant.

    I'm still thinking I should buy a <edit mod total ecllipse method> I just don't see my life getting any better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2013
  5. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^Since I don't really have experience with having/looking for jobs, I can't really give you advice on that. I'm sorry. Hopefully someone else who does have experience will chime in on what you could/should do. Personally, I say just keep on trying. I know you've already been trying but you just gotta keep trying more. Seems that's about all you can do.

    May I ask why you think you're ugly? Is it the weight? Do you currently have acne? Because both of those are treatable/manageable. I know you won't believe this right now, but there ARE girls out there who'd like you. There are tons of people with weight issues, acne, mental issues and everything else who have someone. If it's that all these things are too damaging to your self-esteem and that's making you lack the confidence to meet girls then just try to work on which ones you can as best you can. If the weight bothers you then eat healthier and exercise and you'll lose it. If the acne bothers you(if you currently have it) then go to a dermatologist and it'll get taken care of. If the mental issues bother you then see as many therapists and try as many different meds as it takes to help. And if there's anything else then try to work on it as best you can. I know that's all easier said than done but just take it one step at a time. Do whatever is in your power and do it at your own pace. I know you said that even at 140 pounds with no acne you were still depressed with low confidence, but you also said that it's gotten worse. So maybe if you worked on these things it'd help some and then you could take things from there.
  6. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    I am facing the same problems with the ladies because of my looks as 9426. Acne and skin problems are only treatable if you have the money and I just don't have the money to do it.

    I also can't get a job now because of my criminal record and because of my fears and disabilities. I'm also currently under house arrest so I fear to leave the house or I may get injured and I don't want to get injured.

    So I think that all hope is lost for me now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2013
  7. 9426

    9426 Member

    The only women who ever complemented me on my looks were either twice my age or prostitutes I slept with. Never a normal girl my age. I found a job on Kijiji and got a call back, but because of my own stupidity and uselessness I showed up 15 minutes late to the interview and forgot my resume. I doubt I'll be hired. I have a plan (Which I can't post here because of the rules) and I still think I should go through with it. I have severe anxiety and OCD and my appointment with my psychiatrist isn't for another month. If I tell a doctor my thoughts they'll just send me to hospital, and since I'm 20 I'll be in the adult ward. I hate the adult ward. The food sucks, the nurses are assholes, there's never anyone my age, and there's nothing to do except watch TV and sleep.
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