absolutely nothing, with the following exceptions

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by DoubledStratum, May 5, 2010.

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  1. DoubledStratum

    DoubledStratum Well-Known Member

    I'm an undergraduate on a pretty difficult course at a good university in the UK.
    Recently I saw Derren Brown and Gorillaz live, Gorillaz being my favourite band since I was 12.

    I've got some sort of depression, allegedly, and am on mirtazapine to treat this.

    I have no desire for boys or girls, and dislike people in general.

    Some people say pessimism is a bad attitude, ignoring entirely the manifold situations in life where pessimism is a sensible outlook, eg. Never rely on public transport.

    I'm never going to enjoy my life, and at the moment all I'm doing is working hard until my parents pass on and I can kill myself without noticable consequence. Admittedly I've been pretty bad at killing myself so far, but I can't see it as difficult to get better at.

    Obviously SOME people will notice I'm gone, but I'm going out of my way to accomodate those most vulnerable so I can't feel guilty without feeling condescending.

    I might not even last that long.

    I'm almost 21, where the fuck do I go from here?

    It's not as if I'm not seeking help, does anyone have anything other than "grin and bear it"? ¬_¬
     
  2. DoubledStratum

    DoubledStratum Well-Known Member

    Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Thought as much.
     
  3. Drekono

    Drekono Well-Known Member

    I wish i had an answer for you. It would be nice if i could say "blah blah blah" is the reason you should live and you could accept that and say "oh, i never thought of that" and suddenly be as happy as the next person. But i am in a similar situation as you. I feel like i am just waiting for death, waiting till my parents die so i can kill myself and not hurt them, waiting for some accident to take me, waiting for some amazing idea that would let me kill myself without hurting anyone this time. I feel like a mindless drone moving along pretending to be what society wants me to be. In all my searching for a reason to live the only thing that seems plausable is that we all have to come up with our own reason to live. Our lives only have as much meaning as we give them. But when i dont want to give my life meaning and all i want is to just end it this is hardly a persuading arguement. sorry i can't be of much help but i do wish the best for you and that you find happiness. Nobody deserves such despair.
     
  4. DoubledStratum

    DoubledStratum Well-Known Member

    Even though I wouldn't wish that kind of hopelessness on anyone, it's good to get some form of response, even if it is from someone stuck in the same dead end as me. Hope you have better luck with yours. :/
     
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