Abstraction Absurdity

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Nov 25, 2006.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    How frustrating.
    By the time I reach the end of a sentence
    I have forgotten the beginning.
    My everday actions seem futile and absurd.
    The projects I start
    Fall to the ground
    And go unfinished.
    My mind is dying from within
    Defeating itself at every turn
    And at odds with only itself
    It knows no mercy.
    In stubborn, faithless fury
    It has no give.
    The days pass and it drains my fragile body
    Sacrificing the flesh to sustain the core
    The immaterial
    That has such material consequence.
    I have library fines up to my eyebrows
    All for books I can’t find the concentration to read.
    If I was wise
    Or could find the energy
    I would return them.
    I don’t have the money to spend
    On wasted attempts at intellectual purpose.
    It has become difficult to tell
    Whether I have simply reached my limits
    Or if the boundaries have tightened around me.
    Either way
    I rise up
    And they thrust me down.
    Holding me beneath my own sinking waters
    Until I remember my place.
    My dreams for the future seem supreme arrogance
    I wanted to teach
    But I fear now I am unable even to understand.
    My self pity is cloying.
    I wonder if I taste as poisonous as I feel.
    It matters very little
    This blankness has taken
    Whatever remained of my sex drive.
    To be truthful
    The idea of being touched makes me vaguely ill.
    I am relatively sure that, for now at least,
    I have reached out for another body for the last time.
    It is an odd lack of feeling
    That has come in to replace the overwhelming need I once felt.
    The mania of want and invincibility is gone.
    It has fled and all that is left behind
    Is this quiet child image of self
    With its/her ineffable flood of questions.
    She does not seem to understand
    How little “Why?” matters
    at this point.
    I try to drug her into sleep
    Pills and fiery liquid by the bedside
    But she will have none of it.
    Her confusion reigns supreme
    And as binding as any chain.
  2. God Almighty - reading that was like looking into a mirror - scary (eerie) - but proof (again) of your ability to capture the essence of despair, frustration, feeling lost, with your words. I'm grateful in that very strange and bittersweet way that I am not alone. Which means, neither are you (wicked illusion tho aint' it?!)(and whatever small comfort...)

  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    I love it as I love all your writings - damn you're good!!!:eek:hmy: And, as always, I wish I could make those feelings go away, far away from you.:sad:

    love and hugs for you,

  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    fab poem hun :hug:
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