Abuse? Or my own fault?

[Kathy]

This isn't really abuse. I'm 15 years old. I lost my virginity around 6 months ago, to my boyfriend of the same age. He wanted desperatly to lose his virginity before his 15th birthday. He pushed to do this before his 15th birthday. I didn't really want to do it, but I did consent.

One time it hurt, so I told him to stop and he told me to shut up... I still to this day am not sure if he was joking or not.

Other sexual things before that he would say that I didn't love him if I wouldn't do them. He'd make me feel guilty for not doing them, but he never forced me into anything.

Is this abuse? I mean, I know lots of people have been through so much worse stuff, and I feel guilty knowing that i'm making a fuss about something that I consented to in the first place, but I feel horrible for what I did.

Thanks to anyone who replies.

 

[In Limbo]

That in my eyes is abuse on the level of emotional blackmail, you're being unduly pressured into something you did not want. I don't know what the legal standing on it is - but I think in the eyes of the majority of people, that is abusive...

 

[Kathy]

I have no intentions of taking any legal actions but thank you for your reply
I'm sure my side of the story is heavily biased. I don't know.

 

[In Limbo]

Wasn't suggesting that you were - merely meant that I don't know if it's 'technically' abuse...although I'm pretty sure it is...

As to bias - you can only speak for yourself, and the fact that you're being so open about it is a credit to you...

 

[total eclipse]

If you told him to stop and he did not it is abuse simple as that he was only in the sex for himself he told you that he did not nor does he care for you no way IF he did he would not have told you to shut up you need to tellsomeone what happen and you need to get rid of this bf who does only cares about himself

 

[Kathy]

I'm not open about it at all. I've never told anyone in real life. I've told one very close friend from another internet forum. I guess this is just my place where I don't know anyone and can be open about everything. I was about weird about posting this though, but I think it's something I need to do to get it out my system.

Anyway i'm going off topic, thank you for your reply

And total eclipse, I have broken up with him, although I think he did care for me even if we just weren't right for each other in that we wanted different things. I am not going to tell someone what happened because my family don't even know i'm not a virgin, and there is no point ruining his life or reputation over this. I did consent after all.

 

[dazzle11215]

if you said stop and he didn't that's abuse. no question. no doubts here. have you talked about it since?

 

[Kathy]

Only to that one friend... and well here now.

 

[Terry]

what a it
so he wants...thats all I saw in the whole post
What about what u wanted?
Its abuse at the highest level

 

[Kathy]

Thanks for your reply Terry, although the fact remains that I still consented, so maybe he thought that's what I wanted?

 

[total eclipse]

when you said NO that was clear and he did NOT stop so it was abuse