I've not been around here much recently but something has happened that i would like some other peoples opinions on. Its hard to explain so i'll start at the very beggining. I was 'abused' when i was a little kid for about 9 years by a family member, and several other men. The abuse finished when i was 15 (3 years ago) and i have just started to get my life back on track. Since the abuse i have had several bad relationships often with abusive men.
Anyway just over a year and a half ago i got into a relationship with a guy. He was really kind and sweet, he never pressured me into doing anything, never hurt me, always tried to understand me and what i was going through and over all just seemed a good guy. I really liked him but this relationship was probably doomed from the start because i wasnt used to someone being so kind and understanding. It took me a long time to trust him but slowly i began to open up to him about when i was a kid, i told him alot of stuff that i have never told anyone and in return he helped me to work through some of the difficulties that i had.
Now this is the bit i am confused about and would like some opinions on because i am not sure if this abuse or not. Near the end of the relationships i woke up and he was doing sexual stuff to me (he had his hand down my trousers and up my top) I was a bit freaked out by this so kept my eyes closed and didnt no what to do or say. Then when he stopped i "woke" up and got dressed. Later in the day i bought it up and he said he didnt remember. I was still a bit freaked out (because of when i was little anything sexual is difficult for me) and he decided to leave. Then he came back and said he did remember and he had done it before when i was asleep (he says twice, but i think its more for various reasons). Anyway my question is, is that abuse? I mean i was asleep so didnt have any say in what he was doing. But on the other hand we were in a relationship and it was stuff we had done before. If i had been awake and he'd asked me i probably would have said yes. I just dont no what to think.
Any opinions or views on this would help because at the moment i'm really confused.
Thanks
L1
Anyway just over a year and a half ago i got into a relationship with a guy. He was really kind and sweet, he never pressured me into doing anything, never hurt me, always tried to understand me and what i was going through and over all just seemed a good guy. I really liked him but this relationship was probably doomed from the start because i wasnt used to someone being so kind and understanding. It took me a long time to trust him but slowly i began to open up to him about when i was a kid, i told him alot of stuff that i have never told anyone and in return he helped me to work through some of the difficulties that i had.
Now this is the bit i am confused about and would like some opinions on because i am not sure if this abuse or not. Near the end of the relationships i woke up and he was doing sexual stuff to me (he had his hand down my trousers and up my top) I was a bit freaked out by this so kept my eyes closed and didnt no what to do or say. Then when he stopped i "woke" up and got dressed. Later in the day i bought it up and he said he didnt remember. I was still a bit freaked out (because of when i was little anything sexual is difficult for me) and he decided to leave. Then he came back and said he did remember and he had done it before when i was asleep (he says twice, but i think its more for various reasons). Anyway my question is, is that abuse? I mean i was asleep so didnt have any say in what he was doing. But on the other hand we were in a relationship and it was stuff we had done before. If i had been awake and he'd asked me i probably would have said yes. I just dont no what to think.
Any opinions or views on this would help because at the moment i'm really confused.
Thanks
L1