I've read some stuff on abused people becoming the abusers when they grow up or get married. Subconsciously mimicking their parents behavior. I was wonder if anyone else worries about being the abuser? Personally, I was abused by my sister, and now I have an awkward crush on my cousin. The thoughts of kissing her and being intimate give me such huge guilt that sometimes I want to kill myself. I would and will never hurt her the same way my sister hurt me, but I was raised that bad thoughts are just as bad as intentions from my Christian father, and that I will be punished for my "mental adultery." It makes me feel as if I'm abusing her even when I'm not. I'm borderline suicidal from this crush.