abused

[Needing Reason]

When I was 7 I was molested by a teenage guy my mom hired to babysit me. It started out with him just letting me watch porn that he brought. It made me think he was cool and I got closer to him. Later he started fondeling me and told me if I told my mom that he would tell her that I had been watching porn. This went on for a period of a few months steadily getting worse each time but I won't go into further details.

The only reason it stopped is that he was killed while he was drunk driving. The only thing is that I continued looking at porn after he died. I still looked at porn untill about age 10 when I started masturbating. I am currently 15 and I have masturbated at least 1-2 times a day since then.

I am almost entirely sure that this is not normal. I'm ok with talking to people but I'm extremly shy around girls and this makes me feel like a fucking creeper.

After I started getting extremly depressed it is almost like a bi-polar thing. I'll masturbate an extreme amount for about a week and then I'll go into a huge depression and not care for a few days.

I'd just like any sort of advice anyone can give me. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to write as I've never even told anyone what he did combined with the fact I am very shy. I just need anything to hold on to.

 

[Dave_N]

Hi needing reason. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you when you were 7. First of all, don't blame yourself for what that pervert did to you when you were young. You were just a child and you didn't know that what he did was wrong. Also, masturbating 1-2 times a day, is pretty normal, so I wouldn't worry about that either. Just for the record, are you male or female? :hug:

 

[Needing Reason]

I'm a guy but I can't this as being normal. No one else that I know is like this at all. I just don't know.

 

[Petal]

Hi Needing reason,

I'm sorry you had to endure all of that.

You are very brave for writing all that down. The first step to recovery is talking about it. I think you would benefit a lot from seeing a therapist :hug:

I think what you are doing now is 'normal' under those circumstances.
What happened is no way your fault, you were an innocent child, he took advantage of you. Sadly he isn't here to be punished for his crimes.

I'm always here if you need to talk x