abuser committed suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mags, Dec 3, 2012.

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  1. mags

    mags SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    back in feb this year, i finally plucked up the courage the goto the police about my stepdad sexually abusing me from the age of 8 til about 21... so was a long time coming, he was arrested and charged 3 weeks ago and of course denied wot he had done. he was due in court this week sometime to enter his plea, however, the police came to my house last nite to inform me that he has committed suicide. my head is in a mess and cant stop crying, i dont know how i feel, and switching between relieved that i dont now have to go to court and give evidence to happy he is dead to being so angry with him for doin this and he is never gonna be made accountable to feelinh guilty that he has taken his life because i reported him.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi ya Mags...missed you girl...what a horrible position to be in...he was even a selfish sick bast*** to the end...and about feeling guilty, if he didnt do it, there would have been no reason for his actions...sorry he had to put this in your life...you do not deserve this in addition to everything else he did to you
  3. mags

    mags SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    hey sadeyes, good to be back in some weird way, i have missed all you guys too eh.... yes he is a selfish f***er, probably main reason he has done this is to make me feel guilty. i am trying so hard not to allow myself too eh but well its hard when u know its because of something u have done
  4. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's because of something he had done, not because of something you had done. Abusers are great at making us think we're responsible for everything, including this situation you're in. You're not. He made the decision, you didn't. You didn't hold a gun to his head, even figuratively speaking. He made all of his decisions, from beginning to end. You don't need to hold on to any guilt, because you didn't do anything wrong, or anything bad. You did what was right! The relief you feel is healthy. You don't have to worry about him any longer. You don't have to pull up all of the memories in court and try to defend yourself against his behaviour. You're free. Your anger at his behaviour is also very healthy. You have every right to be angry! Whether he did this to hurt you, yet again, or did it because he couldn't face himself and his actions is not your business. Please don't allow him to victimize you again! :hug:
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    No...it is because of something he did...you were just defending yourself...if he did not act as he did, neither of you would have been in this situation...as I said, selfish, manipulative, and sociopathic moron!

    PS..when my father died, who was also quite the sicko, I was happy he was gone and sad that my (delusion probably) of a daddy was gone...this is quite different as he was my father, but I do understand the relief and happiness to be free of the abuser
  6. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    You definitely shouldn't feel guilty. None of it is your fault. He made all the decisions, including the one to end his own life. I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you, I hope you can now move on with your life. All the best.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    As others have just said, it's because of something HE did, not because of you. It's all on him, and I hope you're able to let go of any guilt and enjoy the relief that he's gone.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The bastard! but like all abusers, a coward to the end! :furious:
    Never blame yourself for this, he made his bed.
    As to the anger you feel, know it well, my grandfather died with never admitting what he did.
    I felt I'd never be vindicated and all I'd asked for was an apology, the bastard couldnt even give me that!
    I was eaten up with anger.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    bastard and coward to the end - guilt was his and should never be yours
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun dam him HIs guilt hun don't let him have any more power over you his guilt his alone not yours to feel hun hugs
  11. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Totally agree with all of the above mags .... There is no cause for you to feel guilty honey - it has all been his choices and putting his needs ahead of yours who he should have been protecting.
  12. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Im sorry to hear about what youre going through. I too am an abuse survivor so I know how hard it is sometimes just living with it. Just take time to now deal with your feelings and finally hopefully you can move on. My heart goes out to you. Just know that none of what happened to you was your fault. I hope as the days go by it will become easier for you.
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is so good to hear from you again mags, but sorry it has to be under these circumstances. I know how it feels when your accuser seems to get off without having to account for his actions against you. It cause such immense turmoil inside. Maybe it isn't that he got off. Maybe he held himself accountable after you made him come face to face with what he had done and he held himself accountable. He either could not face himself any longer or could not deal with knowing he was guilty and would have to face the consequences. No matter what the reason is that he chose to end his life, remember that it was his choice and his choice alone. No one made him do it. You are in no way responsible for his choices. He chose to abuse, he chose to die. Not because of you. Because of himself. It is okay to feel relieved that you will not be put through the hell of facing him or testifying. It is okay to be angry at him for living as he did and dying as he did. Place the blame where it belongs. It belongs solely to your stepfather and your stepfather alone. We will be here to help and support you as much as needed through this. You always have a place here. :hug:
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