Abusing drugs

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    There's times where I abuse pills. In the past I used to abuse pills all the time and most of my check went over to buying all kinds of pills. My favorite were opiates and I used to smoke them off of tin foil. Nobody in my family knew about this and I tell them sometimes about it and my mother looks at me as if I'm trying to get attention or something. When she did this, I abused drugs even more and I used to pass out in the break room at Walmart and sometimes I would clock out and leave work just to go get high. Anytime someone texted me and they had drugs, I made sure I saved up a lot of money to get them.

    Once my friend drove to a back alley and I got out of the car and bought a bunch of pills. Once he gave them to me, I flashed a flashlight on them to make sure they were legit and weren't fake. I made sure that they weren't stomped on and I knew how to tell by looking at them. Sometimes pills were laced with something and kids would end up in a Coma. One time a pill was laced with acid and he told me this right upfront. Now I battle my addiction everyday but I continue to have a lot of dope dreams of me smoking pills and whenever I wake up I can smell "marshmallow's" which happened anytime I smoked Roxies. That smell continues to haunt me.

    I did this from all the abuse I've went through, from being bullied and cause I honestly didn't think anyone cared. I just wanted to numb everything. It got to a point where I would start feeling horrible once I got high and I even started crying so I started upping the dose. I've been clean now and now I battle with severe depression.
  2. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Member

    I relate in ways to what you have written here. I've never engaged that heavily in abusing stuff but alcohol was a crutch for a while and I have a thing for using benzos and opiates too. Unlike you I haven't had to obtain anything illegally so that made things easier and cheaper. Being completely clean for periods has come with a lot of benefits but also made it harder for me to endure life. I need those breaks from everything - to get away for a while. Can you relate to that feeling? It's also nice to know that substances never lets me down. I know I can count on them to help me feel good in the abscence of other things that should make me happy.
  3. torontopaul52

    torontopaul52 New Member

    weed and my dogs are the only things keeping me alive....but I don't like being on the weed...I know I'm addicted.
  4. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    I just don't want to deal with my sober self. I hate having to take drugs. I don't know if I'm addicted. I can go months without any and them take a ton. I took a bunch if acid once and wondered around not being able to tell where I was, took a while to find help. I've taken oxycodone, xanax, mdma, a lot of acid and shrooms. I hate myself and get angry over the mistakes I've done and the people that left me if I'm sober. Ya I know the feeling of wasting have your paycheck. I want to stop but don't k ow what to do. wish I had more advise
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I like the benzos. I call them my happy pill. They relax me so much. But my doctor is very careful about prescriptions so I don't fear become addicted. I fear running out of them. Weed is available legally in my state, but I have major concerns about using it. Its much better to use as little of any med as possible.
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I was addicted to my prescription pain medication and stopped 10weeks ago. That was the hardest thing to do and I still feel the effects of that addiction. They used to take away physical pain and also emotional pain, it's hard to be without them, but I'm determined not to go back.
  7. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    I have started using food that has marijuana in it. I feel so much better when I'm on it. I didn't start trying it till it became legal in my state. I try to only limit it once per week. I'm afraid I'm going to become addicted to it.
  8. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    @LostInMyDaydreams you sound a lot like me when I was abusing pills. I would miss work and class to get high and my life revolved around buying and taking them and I too used to numb my emotional pain. After I got out of the hospital for my first suicide attempt I used heavily to the point where drugs were my life. I am so proud of you for being clean now and recognizing your addiction. It's very hard to stay clean especially with severe depression but it is better to deal with the depression sober than clouded by pills. I hope you continue to stay strong. *hugs*
  9. torontopaul52

    torontopaul52 New Member

    I was on high dose clonazapam for 12 years......addicted. on naltrexone to titre off.....way too dependent on the weed. but if I stop it i don't cope.