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Abusive Husband makes me wish I was dead

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I am 63 years old and disabled, my husband has always been abusive but since he retired two months ago he has got so much worse. He makes horrible comments about me and seems to think I am not disabled but just need to take more exercise. He seems to get pleasure from seeing me struggle while he just sits on his backside and doesn't lift a finger to help. He belittles me in front of my friends and family I can't leave as the last time I tried that he threatened to get a gun and shoot me. I just feel that death would be a happy release, the only way I will ever get peace from him.
my heart really goes out to you! your husband really shouldn't treat you in this ways, aren't the terms of marriage for better or worse? if he were the disabled one would you not care for him! to abuse a disabled person is a very low thing indeed! i also feel people that do this only get worse as they think they can get away with it, and it gives them a sense of power. If you can not sort things out i would start thinking about leaving maybe?
call your local women's shelter. they will take you in and keep you safe. sorry it has come to this, but a shelter is better than committing suicide.

do you have children? they need their mother, even if they are adults. don't forget that.


both dead and alive until somebody opens the box
That's awful! My prayers and thoughts are definitely with you.

Like the post above me says, call your local women's shelter. Also, calling the police would be acceptable in your case. They can him away from you and keep him from harming you.

Just keep this in mind: You are special and unique. There is no one else like you. God placed you on this Earth with the intention that you would do great things. I love you. Your friends love you. I'm sure, deep deep deep down inside, your husband loves you. Someone out there cares for you. Keep your head held high. You don't deserve this. You are an excellent person; we all are in some way.
I hope you are able to break free from this some day. Just hold on; don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens, as they say. I know how you feel, for I now feel suicidal. I feel like there's nothing left for me: hopeless, helpless, pathetic, disgusting, and worthless. But I keep holding on. Hold on with me. Hold on with the rest of the people on this forum who keep putting one foot in front of the other. It may seem like crap right now, but there's got to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I sound a bit dramatic, but I know these things can't be taken lightly. I'm sorry if I went overboard with it.
Hi Brodie. My heart ached for you when I read your post. How long have you been married? I was encouraged by the fact you have friends and family around. I am so sorry you feel this bad and I don't want to post something that might do more harm than good. I'm glad you are reaching out for help.


Well-Known Member
You don't need to die you need to leave him...
he is abusing you to keep you where he wants you..too afraid to leave.
I left my husband when I was suicidal...I figured it was better to leave him and try life without him than to die..that was 16 years ago
I'm on SF now for a different reason..nothing to do with ex
you are already disabled and his abuse will be making your health worse
please don't listen to his putdowns...you are a worthwhile human being ..
he is the one with the problems
sorry this sounds harsh hon but I get really angry when I hear stories like yours
Thank you all for your support, I spoke to my friend tody and she said much the same as you guys she feels his abuse is a sign of his weakness not mine and that I have to ignore his put downs. I know he is a pathetic excuse for a man but knowing that doesn't make me feel better. I often wish he would die and leave me in peace, it is either him or me.


Well-Known Member
No, it's not either him or you. You can get away. I don't know where you are but in England and Wales the local authority has a duty to house you if you feel you are at risk of violence so they would put you in a refuge or something out of the way of him. Contact women's aid or similar to where you are. There are often things, no matter what the country set up for women who need to flee because of DV.



Well-Known Member
agree with golden, hon

the choice isn't you or him - it's stay or leave

in my opinion it's high time you got the hell out of there



Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
He's pond scum.. You don't have to put up with his crap.. Make arrangements to either stay with relatives or a shelter for women.. Then have the police there when you move out..Your life is worth so much more..Don't stay with him because the longer he's around the house the better the chances are that he will get physical..You don't need that..
Yes, relatives would also be a good alternative to to a shelter. If he becomes physical, do not hesitate to contact the authorities. I know even the verbal forms of abuse can cause pain. I believe it is best to leave him. At your age, you still have lots of things to live for. I am only 19, but with my concerns, I cannot simply call the police or leave. And the fact that he threatened you is WAY out of line. Please call the police.
Feel free to send me a message if you like. I can try to help you out a little more.


Well-Known Member
Brodie, I feel for you sincerely.

As a man, I find it horrific when other men treat women or children with anything less than courtesy and kindness. Sure, shout at the kids now and again, argue with your women from time to time (she wants a £100 hair -do, you think it looks nice with a £10 home perm kit) - but swearing, cursing, vicious comments and put-downs? That is BULLYING and nobody likes a bully - least of all themselves.

It makes them feel better putting someone weaker down. Someone who won't hit back. I mean, you cannot talk to someone in a pub in this manner so talking to your wife that way is just appalling.

But, I'm betting that living with him for so long that you feel as scared as moving or moving him out as you do in tolerating his treatment of you. Suicide, being stated, means your confused as to what to do and need practical advice.

Americans would know better than me relating to law - but in the UK if your husband threatened to shoot you and had a gun, he'd be pretty much given his own home in the form of a cell. Bear in mind a threat to murder is like someone talking about suicide. YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. Especially if we're dealing with someone who is himself prone to depression and abusive towards you.

I'd talk to friends or relatives about this.

The best tactic would be to pack up some things and leave him. You could go for advice off some women's shelter who will doubtless have access to free legal advice for women in your position.

Staying in a shelter is not that bad. We have one near my home - its basically small flats which are contained and have security. You have shower, TV, small kitchen and all the facilities you expect. More than that you have no BULLY hanging over you. You can sit in peace and quiet for maybe the first time for a long time.

Living with someone, being married - you may have tolerated a lot over the years - perhaps isolated by this man who would not want you having too much of a social life when his ideas seem to be that marriage entails you being his skivvy and the person he takes things out at.

You got to give this man the shock of his life. Because when he has to run the house - when he has nobody but himself to rant at - trust me, he will feel a little bit of remorse. He'll be sorry you stood up to him. Sorry you changed into a women who has finally stood up to this bloody fool.

He is a fool, because if he had treated you with kindness and compassion, with love, then he would not be on his own facing a life in which the people around him might punch him in the face for using abuse.

I bet you were a great wife - and fun to be with. I wish I'd have met someone like you. I might be an idiot also but I know that we don't bad mouth women ever. We find interests that get us out the way so you can chill out and relax doing whatever it is a women likes to do in the precious spare time she might have.

It is a husbands job to make his wife grow in confidence and to be able to live her own life also.

Maybe he needs a BIG reminder about this. Either way you really need to get out and take a break so that you can gather your thoughts. Even a few days might be good for you - shelter or relatives, maybe a friend, I'd veer with the shelter perhaps as you will not feel in the way plus you can talk to people about your problems and keep this private.

My prayers and best wishes.
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