Abusive husband

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by brookie, Feb 4, 2015.

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  1. brookie

    brookie Member

    He beat me last night because I didn't make the dinner he wanted. I wasn't feeling well and wanted to make a quick dinner so I could rest. This is not the first time and I know it won't be the last and yet I believe him every time he gets on his knees crying and swearing he'll change. I wasn't going to mention his abusive behaviour here but since he's driven all my friends away I have no one to talk to about it, and sometimes it really helps just getting things off your chest.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Brookie, you need to get yourself to a SAFE place NOW. No if's, but's or anything you need to protect yourself. Have you ever contacted the domestic violence resources around you? He is a horrible thug and you deserve to be treated better than this. Please seek the help and protection of the police and domestic abuse services. No-one deserves this, how long has this being going on? Have you anywhere safe to go? I really feel for you (gentle hugs :hug: )
  3. brookie

    brookie Member

    Thank you. I am in the process of leaving (sort of). I can't just up and leave, that's not an option, he's made that very clear. I am trying to secure a safe place to go but it's taking a while. He keeps an eye out on everything I do so the process is a bit slow.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Controlling, demanding prick he is, excuse my language but any man that treats their gf/wife like that is a coward

    I do understand what you are saying about waiting because you are in danger, when you get away, you will be happy again. Good luck on your plans on leaving however if I were you i'd be out of there with a protection order from the police. Violence in any relationship is unforgivable. I hope and pray you find the courage to leave.

    And you are very welcome, I don't even know you and I care and would love to give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay, hugs :hug:

    P.S If you need to find and research resources and helplines in your area, I will do all I can to help you find them online.
  5. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    This is an extremely tough place to be in and I am very sorry you are going through it. The first suggestion people make is to 'get away from him, he's no good' but its not a situation that can be generalised. I believe you've been through a terrible amount and stress. It is not okay in our society for a male or female to beat another person. It's just wrong. I understand that you believe he will change but his actions suggest otherwise. My personal suggestion would be to rid him of your life, cliche I know. But if this is not an option, how about you move out for a couple of days or weeks, to an aunt, a sister, friend, someone who understands what you are going through. I don't feel that anyone should be abused physically, but if none of these options work, it may be time to accept that the man you fell in love with is no longer the man you see before you today. I hope that things improve for you and that you never have to experience something as vile and dispicable as this again. If all else fails, please seek medical advice, there are many that are anonymous, others that are public, I hope that you understand the severity of your situation and are able to act in a way that helps yourself. I am truly sorry for what has happened to you and only wish the best in the future.
  6. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    don't get emotional when he cries .. that man is not worth having you .. this people never change .. make a plan n move out ASAP..also try to contact ur old friends YOU TRUST and keep them informed about your situation.. if possible ..in case ur plan is messed up they can be backup.

    take good care of your self.
  7. Happy Boy

    Happy Boy New Member

    I agree with Petal. You really need to consider your own safety, i cannot stress this enough!
  8. brookie

    brookie Member

    Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. I have been forgiving him for a very long time.. I was 15 and he was in his 30s. When we met. I was young and stupid and n love. Leaving for a few days is not an option. He has repeatedly made it very clear what he will do to me if I leave. So if I go it'll be for good.
  9. Claire Block&Quayle

    Claire Block&Quayle Banned Member

    You really need to report your husband to the police Brookie. Also move out immediately to a friends house he does not know about. Here in the uk the police used not to want be involved in DV cases but now they do get involved. Is this the case in Canada Brookie?

    You do not mention children Brookie, If you are not a mother then I strongly advise you to go to stay at a friends house at least for thr short term

    My partner has an account here on SF. Look for posts posted by Twocky61 & read his signature.

    tc Brookie. I would suggest you pm me but I am under moderation so pm-ing is disabled in my case

  10. Claire Block&Quayle

    Claire Block&Quayle Banned Member

  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No matter what you decide to do we will be here to provide some comfort but I do encourage you to come up with a leaving plan. I think you should get the law enforcement in your place involved before he knows anything is up. Has he always been this violent? What has he threatened to do? He sounds like some piece of work, a coward and you brookie deserve so much better than this crap he is putting you through. I will be here for you through this and many others so feel free to talk all you want.
    Best wishes to you brookie, you're in a situation where you did nothing to deserve this treatment and we will help you through this.
  12. brookie

    brookie Member

    Staying away for good is not that bad. But it's also extremely sad to think about. Not sure how much sense that makes.
  13. brookie

    brookie Member

    Petal....thank you again. He has made a lot of threats as to what he will do if I leave. Last night was that he was going to kill himself. I am working on a plan but as messed up as it sounds it's hard to leave because we have been together for a long time. And he can be an amazing person at times. But I know I can't let that fool me.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are a smart woman, don't let him fool you, what he's done is not forgivable, him threatening to commit suicide if you leave is something I've heard before within abusive relationships before, it's a ply for you to feel too guilty to leave him.

    I understand you have a connection to him as you have been with him for so long but it is time it came to an end brookie, you do not want or deserve to spend the rest of your life trapped in this abusive relationship.

    Make sure you take pictures of the bruises so you will have evidence against him.

    I feel for you so much, you are very welcome.
  15. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Brookie: As my partner ClaireB&Q has said you really do need to seriously consider leaving him for good especially if you have no children

    As Claire also says see my signature\/\/\/\/\/
  16. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Eaxactly as Petal says Brookie

    Claire also has suffered DV at the hands of her ex

    She left him; so should you
  17. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I just want to add that even if you do have children - ESPECIALLY if you do have children - you should leave. Keeping children in an abusive situation is absolutely not okay. This is not okay for you or for them - call social services and ask for help. There are places you can go even if you do not have friends you can go to.
  18. brookie

    brookie Member

    We do have kids. I moved them out tonight to a safe place but I couldn't go with them. Just waiting for him to get home so I can tell him a lie about where they are. Hopefully he buys it.
    There are no words to describe how scared I am right now.
  19. brookie

    brookie Member

    I've had a few drinks because I know he'll be very mad when he gets home. Any minute now. I am scared I made a mistake.
  20. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    what mistake? don't be scared..you can do it :)
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